The truth of His Word in the every day Mom World

Wow, 2 whole years have passed. Life has changed drastically and I, honored and humbled, have seen God at work in unbelievable ways. That is for another post all in itself. But today, right now, I need to share where my heart is, where I feel the pulls and tugs of life on my heart. Where I want to be and where I am seem chasms away...and yet I hold fast to the word of life, to Paul's words to the Philippian church that, "He who began a good work in you, will carry it on to completion on the day of Christ Jesus." I long, yes, truly deeply long to love Him more, to love His Word more, to be full of His Word. I want to treasure Christ above everything else in this world, to say as the psalmist in Psalm 73 that, "Earth has nothing I desire but you." Sure I could say it with my mouth but to say it with my heart is another thing altogether. Sure I could say I mean that, but when appliances and furniture and paint colors seem to fill the majority of my thoughts, is the cry of my heart really that earth has nothing I desire but Him?

Romans 8:1, "There is therefore now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus." No clauses, exceptions, or but's. Even for the weary mom who has been unkind and harsh to precious little Jesus-image-bearers who look to her for grace, mercy, love. Even for the mommy who wants so much to be a good Godly mommy but finds herself annoyed by her own children. Even for the mom who fears that she is setting the worst possible example for her children because perhaps she spends too much time on worthless things or she continues to say "Not now", "Later", or "we'll see." Yes, for these women, and anyone else who is in Christ Jesus, there is NO, I repeat, NO condemnation. Jesus is not looking down giving grades, "tsking" as he waves his finger, glaring down with furrowed eyebrows. No, He loves me and He shed His blood for this sinning, tired, imperfect mommy. He is not surprised and He is not frustrated or tired of me. He loves me and delights in me. Oh how I long to rest in these truths every moment of the day, especially the hard, babies not sleeping, toddlers whining, siblings fighting moments of the day. How do I do this? I hold fast to the word of life! I saturate myself, my mind, my time in His Word so that His thoughts become MY thoughts, His truths trump my lies! Help me Jesus. Help me saturate myself in You and truly say that earth has nothing I desire but you!

Recapping the end and the journey

I meant for this post to happen on day 40, or at least within a few days...BUT, as usual, life happened and my discipline to get on and blog has been lacking. Maybe I should have worked on that during my journey of growing in self-discipline!
I did finish, and lets see how I did...
29 verses...I'm pretty sure I accomplished this one. But now, weeks after the end, I realize I have almost forgotten a good handful of them. I need to start working on them again.
29 days of exercise...I ended up getting 27 done...due to not feeling well at the end. How about since? Not so great. And its made me realize what a big impact it had even on my stress level and general feeling of well-being (health-wise).
40 days of waking up early...this one was not so good...but I probably did have close to 40 days of spending time with the Lord; it was usually just during the boys' room time rather than first thing. I hope to get better at this with time...and as Miss O hopefully starts sleeping thru the night someday.
40 days of enjoying my children...I definitely didn't do this all 40 days but I think the process in general helped me to let go more of being so task-oriented around the house and more family-oriented. It helped me see the need for more creative activities from time to time, BUT also seeing that my children just want ME, without the fingerpaint, crafts, and learning games. I'm trying to find that balance, checking my motives constantly, and still trying to discern when its okay to do the dishes, when its okay to just play on the floor with my kids, etc. etc.
I'm thankful that James reminds us in his first chapter, that God gives wisdom GENEROUSLY to ALL who ask. May I ask with confidence, trust, and an expectant heart!

Thank you for your prayers for me during this journey, your encouragement and you accountability.

Day 35-38

Thanks for your prayers friends! It has been a better couple days in my journey of working at self-discipline. Most mornings I did not get up early but I did choose to do my bible study during the boys' room time rather than clean or watch the Today show. I worked out all week but last night....no reason really. I didn't feel sick but I worked all day and didn't get home from my parents til after 8 pm. I prayed about not working out and felt okay about it. In a sense I got some exercise being on my feet most of the day. I definitely got some brain exercise :) Does that count?

Today I enjoyed Taz as we played together on the bed, laughed, read together. I enjoyed Pumpkin as we colored together this afternoon and tickled this morning. I enjoyed Miss O today as I gave her a bath, read her a bedtime story, had her nap on me this afternoon. Sweet moments that seem to be going by way too fast.

This morning, thanks to 2 of my friends, I was up by 7 am to pray for our children with them. At 6:58 am all I wanted to do was to sleep and find some excuse not to call in to pray. Well, not really but I did really want to sleep. It always amazes me though, how after only a few minutes up and in the Word or in prayer, I am so glad I got up and would rather be communing with the Lord than sleeping. Yet, 23 hours passes by and in that half-opened-eye groggy state, I choose to snooze and as a result I choose to lose....lose out on renewing my mind, being filled with joy and peace, strength and His energy. Oh how I pray that in 10 hours or so, even on a Saturday, I would remember truth and choose to open my eyes, get out of bed, and feast on the Word of God....the best breakfast I could have.

Thanks to my amazing mentor, I've been challenged to pick back up my pen and my gratitude journal and choose to be thankful. Today, I am thankful for friends who love me in spite of my sin, my junk, my flaws. I am thankful for friends who are there to speak truth, encourage, listen to me cry. I am thankful for friends who know what its like to be up for hours with difficult children.

Day 27-34

Well, I guess I failed again at getting on here more often. Over the last 8 days I would say that I should receive a C-. We all got a stomach bug and I didn't work out three of the last 8. I haven't been waking up at 7 am either...this morning I actually slept in til 8:30. Yikes. I have enjoyed my children though, though at times it was hard to be patient and loving with Taz...sickness is never good for him. It puts him down for the count at least a week as his appetite suffers and consequently his sugars suffer as well.

But I want to finish well, really well. There are two more days til my birthday, and 6 more days till my 40 days are up :) I definitely didn't think I would be saying that 34 days ago. Blame it on post-baby brain or the fact that I'm still getting up once a night.

For whoever reads this, will you please pray that I finish well? I can tend to do this, start off really strong and slowly fade. Pray that I would finish strong and well, not on my own strength but on Christ and his power and for his glory.

does anyone have a calendar or calculator?

So as I was at church today, I looked at the date on the manuscript, March 18th and realized my birthday is in 10 days.
What was that? Yes, 10 days. Not 15 days like I said yesterday when blogging. So then I went back and I am completely at a loss for why I messed up so royally at figuring that I had 40 days til I was 29 back on February 22nd. Maybe I didn't get much sleep the night before or maybe I counted a week twice. Nonetheless, I am WAY OFF!
Then I started thinking about what would I do? Do I stop at my birthday or at the 40 day mark? Well, I am not stopping til I hit 40 days. Because really, if I want to work on self-discipline, a few extra days of practicing won't hurt. So back to the count...

Day 26...
Beautiful weather, beautiful exercising walk with Miss O and some with the boys, beautiful moments of reading to Micah and watching the boys play outside, and just enjoying the beautiful creation. Thank You Jesus for such a beautiful love and grace.

Miss O happy to be chewing on her fingers! Check out those feet next to her :)

He may be puking and diarrhea but as long as he is outside, he is a happy boy!

Yes, our little gardener in nothing but Woody and Buzz Lightyear undies and sandals. Thank you God for little people like them who bring me smiles and remind me continually how much I have to be thankful for!

Day 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24 and 25....YIKES!

Yes, "Yikes!" is exactly what I said when I realized how long it had been since I blogged. It was a busy week. A good week, a beautiful week but a busy week nonetheless. I wish I could say getting up at 7 am every day is getting easier but its really not. Maybe on some level or on some days but others - not so much. One morning this week I was so tired that I came out, sat on my chair, light on and bible in hand. I mustered up all the energy I had and prayed a few sleepy words to the Lord. I tried to focus, I tried to keep my eyelids from constantly drooping but it was hard. I finally "asked" the Lord if it was okay to go back to bed....and I definitely didn't feel a "no". I welcomed the extra 20 minutes of sleep before Pumpkin came to wake me up.

I started Beth Moore's James study and am loving the structure to what was becoming very loose and often distracting times with the Lord each morning. I appreciate Beth Moore's passion and love for the Word of God and I look forward to learning more about James as a person, Jesus as my savior, and the book in general.

Exercising...well, I asked Kyle after my last post, how many more exercises I needed to do to fulfill my goal of 29 days of exercising. It turns out that I had the exact amount left as the number of days left of 40. Ooops! So, I resolved that I was not going to quit but instead push forward and still try and accomplish my goal of 29 days of exercising. Its been hard this week, like four nights ago when it was 10:30 and I would have rather been in bed than on my bedroom floor doing an ab workout. Or, like tonight when I wanted to run for only 5 minutes and pushed it for another 10. Not much but after a long day of running it was all I could do.

I've so much enjoyed Taz this week. I feel like he is finally back to how he was before getting the ongoing ear infection that led to his diagnosis of Type 1 diabetes. I feel like I finally have my goofy sweet little boy back. Thank you Jesus. What a blessing. I've really enjoyed Pumpkin too. I still can't believe he is almost 4. Today, just him and I ran errands and we had so much fun. Holding hands, having conversations, laughing and joking around. And, finally, Miss O...she has been so sweet. Giggling, wearing summer pinks, putting on her first pair of shorts ever, going on a run with her tonight. Thank you God for all of them. And, most of all, for Mr. B...who watched all three this morning, including Taz who was again throwing up, so I could get my nails done with a friend. What a wonderful servant husband!

Hopefully I can chronicle a little bit better this week. 15 days left!

Day 18 of 40

Almost half way there...only two more days! Today was a great day...in part I think because yesterday was such a blessing. I wasn't recuperating today or making up for the destruction I could have left yesterday...no, I enjoyed today, the beautiful weather, quiet moments, smiles from Pumpkin, laughter from Taz, and cheek to cheek with Miss O.
Thanks to Mr. B I got to go to Panera this morning and sit by the fire, sip some coffee, and renew my mind...just me, just myself, just this person who is first a daughter of the Lord. Sure I'm a wife, and sure, I'm a mom. But at the core, I am HIS! It felt good to remind myself of that and to just sit with Him.
I had some time to shop at the mall and later do some knitting. My friend and I went for a jog this evening.

I enjoyed the Lord, my children. I didn't thank Him though as much as I want though. I'm realizing too that God isn't put out by my requests for various things. He wants me to come to Him with my requests, with boldness, faith, and trust. He wants me to trust that He loves me and has my best in mind.

He is truly good, isn't he?