29 in 40

I have exactly 40 days until I'm 29 years old. What's significant about 40 days or 29 yrs old? Nothing really - only that it helps me have some rough plan or framework or goal. So what am I doing with these next 40 days? By the Lord's grace and strength, and hopefully, all for his glory its my 40 days of self-discipline. It's a theme I've felt pressed upon me by the gentle yet firm hand of the Lord for the last 8 weeks or so. I so much want to instill that virtue in my children -self-discipline, self-control. Yet, how can I teach them that if my own life does not embrace that and exemplify that trait? And I know that the Lord designed each one of us to be self-controlled and self-disciplined because he tells us that in 2 Timothy 1:7. It just takes our part too as we train in that. Well, they say it takes 30 days or something like that to make a certain thing a habit. Well, I'll be generous and give myself 40 days. Maybe it won't necessarily be a habit but I pray that the Lord would use these next 40 days to train me in being more self-disciplined. I plan to use this blog to chronicle the next 40 days and share whatever it is that day that I am doing on this journey of self-discipline. As I am praying through this some goals come to mind...

• 40 days of being in the Word first thing in the morning....yes, that may mean getting up at 7 am or earlier and yes, that may mean even getting up when I've been up all night with sick kids (side note: I know at times we just need to give ourselves grace and sometimes the most godly thing we can do is get some sleep. But, for me at least, in this season, I tend to err more on the side of sleeping when I really just need to renew my mind and chew on the Word of God first thing in the morning. Plus, I'm only doing this for 40 days. After that, sure, there may be mornings where I choose to sleep in)
• 40 days of being more intentional in my children's lives...reading to them, fun and new activities, devos, sharing scripture with them
• 29 days of exercising - well I have to be honest with myself. 40 days of exercising would just NOT happen and would also not be the best for my body....so its 29 since I'm turning 29 in 40 days. 
• 29 memorized verses...again, 40 verses in 40 days? I could do it, sure. But I don't want to miss the point or check a box when learning the precious words of God. I want to savor that sweet honey he has freely given us through His word. 

So, whoever may read this, feel free to check in with me, keep me accountable, or even perhaps join me in something similar. In the words of Peter Pan, "Here we go!"

Grave clothes

Satan.
There is no victory for him in the death of a lover of Jesus. No, that individual's eternity has been sealed by the blood of Christ, sealed for eternity in Heaven with the God of this universe. So where can he find victory? In our every day living, the here and now. If he can keep us living like we are still in the grave, then he will take that victory. I have been crucified with Christ and raised with Him. But sadly, I, and don't many of us, still function as if we are still in the grave, still in the tomb? The abundant life is waiting on the other side of that rock and yet we are satisfied with grave clothes and crumbs, the meager life. It doesn't usually seem meager though, does it? The world paints the meager life as the abundant life, masking it in smiles, happiness, love and the notion that if you want it, then you must need it, and would be happier if you had "it".
Christ offers us abundant life, peace, joy, contentment. At what price? Nothing on our part. No, he paid it ALL. The price was his blood. The sale complete with our surrender, our total surrender, devotion, trust.

So why, if we know what awaits us each new morning on the other side of that rock, do we choose to live the day in grave clothes? All we have to do is let go, make a choice moment by moment, choose to trust that I am a new creation - the old has gone, the new has come!

Help me Jesus, today, to throw off the grave clothes and live as what you have already declared me to be....a new creation!

sick of the sick!

15 days and counting. 15 days of one medical thing after the other, sparing no one in our family. Death toll? Zero. Mentally exhausted toll? All 5..well at least husband and myself. Starting with a cut finger, a trip to the ER, the stomach flu for 3 out of 5 of us, 8 days of diarrhea for Taz, 5 days of on and off vomiting for Taz, colds for all 5 of us, Strep throat for myself and a whole lot of crying, sleepless nights, bottles of cleaner, and laundry. Phew! I'm just tired typing it all out again. Every time I thought we were done with one thing, something else would spring up. Something else like an infected finger for Pumpkin. Add one to the list.

How have I done being thankful? Can I rewrite the above with a attitude of grace and gratefulness? Let me try...
15 days and counting. 15 days of lots of medical issues that have been very minor. Death toll? None, thank you God! We weren't even close to that! Mentally exhausted toll? All 5...well at least husband and myself. But, at least I have a working mind that can get exhausted. It certainly wasn't a boring 15 days! Starting with a cut finger and a trip to the ER -thank you Lord that my finger is totally healed, fine, and no infection occurred; stomach flu for 3 out of 5 of us - thank you God that we didn't have to go to the hospital, husband so selflessly took care of us; 8 days of diarrhea and 5 days of vomiting for Taz - thank you Lord that I have a little boy who we can take care of when sick and thank you that it was only a virus; colds for all 5 of us - thank you Lord that we have working respiratory systems that can get colds; Strep for myself - thank you Jesus for medicine, an opening at the Dr. to see me, help from parents; Lots of crying - thank you that we don't have a silent house because there are no children to fill the rooms; Lots of sleepless nights - thank you God that you sustain us, not sleep; Lots of cleaner - thank you God that we have money to buy cleaner; Laundry - thank you Lord for a washing machine so I don't have to wash things by hand; infected finger - thank you Lord that Pumpkin has working fingers to get infected.

Wow. That took a lot longer to write but left me a whole lot more encouraged and uplifted. But its easier to look back and type out a different perspective. Far more difficult to actually embrace that outlook in the moment, in those minutes following another blow-out, those dark hours in the middle of the night when you'd rather be in a warm bed rather than cleaning up vomit. Yes, its much easier to just run with how you feel in that moment.

Easier does NOT = best, good, encouraging, helpful. Easier can often = discouraging, fear-producing, bitterness, anger, etc.

Lord Jesus, help me choose that which is best, even if it takes longer to type (or to preach to myself).
Help me say thank you, not just with a keyboard, not just with my mouth but truly with my heart.

"Give thanks in all circumstances, for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus for you." 1 Thessalonians 5:18

not important

I'm not even going to bother to calculate how long its been since I last posted...and I'm not even going to take the time to come up with some catchy relevant title. It just doesn't matter and its just not that important. This is life, beautiful, frazzled at times, painfully stretching....and hopefully, by one choice at a time, an abundant life.

Right now, where I'm at, I feel frazzled, distracted, tired....but at least not apathetic. Not blatantly apathetic. What I long for is what this hymn ends with....Oh, the bitter shame and sorrow

Oh, the bitter shame and sorrow,
  That a time could ever be,
When I let the Savior's pity
Plead in vain, and proudly answered,
  All of self, and none of Thee,
  All of self and none of Thee.

Yet He found me; I beheld Him
  Bleeding on the cursed tree;
Heard Him pray, Forgive them, Father,
And my wistful heart said faintly,
  Some of self, and some of Thee,
  Some of self, and some of Thee.

Day by day His tender mercy,
  Healing, helping, full and free,
Sweet and strong, and ah! so patient,
Brought me lower while I whispered,
  Less of self, and more of Thee,
  Less of self, and more of Thee.

Higher than the highest heavens,
  Deeper than the deepest sea,
Lord, Thy love at last hath conquered;
Grant me now my heart's petition,
  None of self, and all of Thee,
  None of self, and all of Thee.

Source: http://www.hymnal.net/hymn.php/h/435#ixzz1d78Um2ck


My heart, my new self in Christ, longs for the last two lines to be true. None of self, and all of Thee. Sadly though I feel like I'm only at stanza 2, and some days stanza 1. How I truly long to believe, in heart and mind, like Paul in 1 Timothy 1:15 that I am the worst sinner of all. It is this humility, this recognition, that brings us so desperately to the foot of the cross. Its at the foot of the cross that we are offered the fullest life, the life where I am abiding in Christ.
Why is this so hard? Why do I continue to think something of myself, to do things by my power, for my glory? Why am I so afraid to admit to everyone, including myself, what a sinner I am? 


Help me let go Christ. Help me choose joy, choose eucharisteo, choose none of self, and choose all of Thee. 

Such contrast...so sad

This morning at church we heard a great sermon on the psalms and in particular, Psalm 1. In this Psalm, we are shown that there are 2 paths that each person is on. We choose, in lots of little decisions throughout the day, which path we are going to walk on. We choose, in lots of big decisions too.

We read, "Blessed is the man who walks not in the counsel of the wicked....but his delight is in the law of the Lord...He is like a tree planted by streams of water...In all that he does, he prospers. The wicked are not so, but are like the chaff that the wind drives away....The Lord knows the way of the righteous, but the way of the wicked will perish."

So what is the abundant life? the "perfect" life? Christ came so that each person may have life and have it abundantly (See John 10). A life committed to Jesus may not look perfect from the outside and is certainly not without struggle and tears. BUT, and that is a very big BUT, it is certainly a life of abundant and perfect joy, the perfection of Christ which cleanses us and redeems us, and an eternal life in and with Him.

Then I came home and opened the paper to read something very sad. On the front page of the Indy 500 insert is the main story entitled "He's got it All"...."Dario Franchitti has the movie star wife, two Indy 500 titles and all sorts of wonderful hobbies. It's a perfect life..."

Unfortunately, that author is not joking or being sarcastic. And there are millions of people who share his view and see Dario's life as perfect, as "having it all". I don't know Dario and so I will not presume to think I know whether or not he knows the Lord. But, what is sad is that we all can fall into this line of thinking. We think that things, stuff, fame, power, money, etc. lead to "having it all."

Let's not forget that this man, like every single person on earth, has hard times, struggles, tragedies, fears, temptations, failures, etc. Do Indy 500 titles help in those times? Does a movie star wife compared to a "regular" housewife help any more in those times? Do fun hobbies fill voids that only Christ can fill?

Its easy to skim past how these lies creep up in our own lives but maybe I could turn the questions a bit to fit us. Do job promotions or high-paying jobs help in hard times? Does a spouse, friend, or child comfort us more than Christ in those times? Do hobbies, shopping, sports, music fill voids that only Christ can fill or do we go to those things for comfort and peace instead of Christ?

May we, on this day, choose to walk the path that is centered on God's truth and that truly leads to the abundant life that includes "having it all"...peace, holiness, righteousness, God's power, love, truth....and the list goes on.

Best Mother's Day Ever

Granted I've only had 3 mother's days, but, nonetheless this was the best by far. After a great message at church and the wrapping up of 2 years in the book of Matthew, we headed home to do nothing more than relax. For brunch, my wonderful husband made my favorite brunch type meal...cheese blintzes drowned in a strawberry topping. After spending some time outside, my wonderful husband again gave me the royal spa treatment. He knows how much I love being pampered and so I received both a massage and a FACIAL!! From none other than Mr. B himself! What a trooper...as I scrambled to find every face product I own and then proceeded to explain what to do. He definitely is wired to be an engineer but in his heart he is the biggest most selfless servant I know personally. For dinner, he made me my favorite BLT pizza on the grill, we ate outside, went on a walk and then watched a movie at night while devouring chocolate cakes in a mug. My gift from Mr. B and the two little B's is a chaise lounge to put on our patio for those rare moments I can sunbathe in my backyard!

My most favorite part of this Mother's Day which is truly straight from the hands of my oldest is pictured below which he made at preschool...

The mug, as you can see, is somewhere between hideous and abstract and I absolutely LOVE IT!! I am so excited to drink my coffee from it. He may not be an artist but that little boy as a HUGE heart.

Lastly, the mug was supposed to be a surprise, which Noah informed me weeks before when he told me he had a secret that he was making a mug for me and I was not to tell anyone because it was a secret. You gotta love little kids!

AWOL?

That has been me....majorly absent! I can't believe it has been almost 2 MONTHS since I've written. And that's not a good thing. Life got a little hectic in March between working, birthdays and vacation. But honestly, I have kinda crawled under a rock. Not physically obviously but emotionally or mentally or something personal like that. It's like when you see a hermit crab curl back into his shell. Reason? Nothing specific other than our human nature. At least mine. The Lord calls us to keep our eyes on Him, on serving Him and others. And when we don't, we start looking at ourselves. Over time, we became so focused on our own day-to-day problems, schedules, tasks that we in essence become hermit crabs stuck in our shell.

Well, no more! By the Lord's grace, I'm comin' out of the shell and back into the world that exists for more than just me :) It doesn't mean the day-to-day problems, schedules and tasks disappear. But, I have decided they don't need to rule me or overtake me. One of my favorite songs reminds me that nothing is too big for us because Christ Jesus has already overcame. It goes, "All authority, every victory is yours!"

May we not forget that chaos, lack of sleep, crazy schedules doesn't mean we have to curl into our self-absorbed and self-focused shells. We can face it with grace and the peace of God because Christ has overcome and every victory is His...including our seemingly "too big" problems!

Check out this link to listen to the song....awesome lyrics: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6sjYWrpNoCs