Day 2 of 40...in more detail

After 2 or 3 hours the immense burning pain at the tip of my right index finger finally subsided....leaving behind a nice white blister that still hurts every time I type those blasted middle-of-the-keyboard letters. Nevertheless, my 40 day journey continues. Yesterday, as I said yesterday, was a good day. I had a whole 30 minutes of quiet time, time in the Word, praying and journaling and it was wonderful. My days, at least the first half of the day, goes so much smoother when I've renewed my mind and surrendered myself to Jesus.

Pumpkin had preschool, but afterwards and after naps, came the sweetest part of my day. You can see why below.

If you look closely you'll see that I'm sitting with all three of them. At one point, Pumpkin had his arm wrapped around mine, Miss O was in my lap, and Taz and I were holding hands. I thanked God for such a blessing, for three sweet children, and for the privilege it is to be their mother.

Taz wanted me to keep reading this book we got from the library the night before. Cute book!
Miss O and I read a few books before bed...a habit I'm absolutely cherishing!
Mr. B and the boys spent an hour or so putting together Taz's Christmas gift from the grandparents while I worked on a matchcar toy track for the boys...and that's where the burnt finger comes in. Hot glue gun and I never seem to leave each other unscarred...but I guess its better than getting the sewing machine out.

I'll post later pics of the track.

Thank you Lord for one more day! 38 days left!

Day 2 of 40

Well, today was a good day.  Unfortunately though, I'll have to expound on its results tomorrow... assuming my right index finger heals from the hot glue gun burn I got while putting together a toy track for the kids.  There's major burnination right now.  Have a good night!

Day 1 of 40

So day one went well...

The boys did an awesome "room time" for almost an hour which meant I was able to sit with the Lord, pray, journal and soak in His word.

We made a cupcake kit and Noah enjoyed decorating his cupcake...

Micah had fun pushing poms into the cup...

Noah, Olivia and I read books this afternoon.
During Miss O's afternoon snack I was able to read, drink some tea and work on memorizing some verses.

Overall, good day one! Thank you Lord!

29 in 40

I have exactly 40 days until I'm 29 years old. What's significant about 40 days or 29 yrs old? Nothing really - only that it helps me have some rough plan or framework or goal. So what am I doing with these next 40 days? By the Lord's grace and strength, and hopefully, all for his glory its my 40 days of self-discipline. It's a theme I've felt pressed upon me by the gentle yet firm hand of the Lord for the last 8 weeks or so. I so much want to instill that virtue in my children -self-discipline, self-control. Yet, how can I teach them that if my own life does not embrace that and exemplify that trait? And I know that the Lord designed each one of us to be self-controlled and self-disciplined because he tells us that in 2 Timothy 1:7. It just takes our part too as we train in that. Well, they say it takes 30 days or something like that to make a certain thing a habit. Well, I'll be generous and give myself 40 days. Maybe it won't necessarily be a habit but I pray that the Lord would use these next 40 days to train me in being more self-disciplined. I plan to use this blog to chronicle the next 40 days and share whatever it is that day that I am doing on this journey of self-discipline. As I am praying through this some goals come to mind...

• 40 days of being in the Word first thing in the morning....yes, that may mean getting up at 7 am or earlier and yes, that may mean even getting up when I've been up all night with sick kids (side note: I know at times we just need to give ourselves grace and sometimes the most godly thing we can do is get some sleep. But, for me at least, in this season, I tend to err more on the side of sleeping when I really just need to renew my mind and chew on the Word of God first thing in the morning. Plus, I'm only doing this for 40 days. After that, sure, there may be mornings where I choose to sleep in)
• 40 days of being more intentional in my children's lives...reading to them, fun and new activities, devos, sharing scripture with them
• 29 days of exercising - well I have to be honest with myself. 40 days of exercising would just NOT happen and would also not be the best for my body....so its 29 since I'm turning 29 in 40 days. 
• 29 memorized verses...again, 40 verses in 40 days? I could do it, sure. But I don't want to miss the point or check a box when learning the precious words of God. I want to savor that sweet honey he has freely given us through His word. 

So, whoever may read this, feel free to check in with me, keep me accountable, or even perhaps join me in something similar. In the words of Peter Pan, "Here we go!"

Grave clothes

Satan.
There is no victory for him in the death of a lover of Jesus. No, that individual's eternity has been sealed by the blood of Christ, sealed for eternity in Heaven with the God of this universe. So where can he find victory? In our every day living, the here and now. If he can keep us living like we are still in the grave, then he will take that victory. I have been crucified with Christ and raised with Him. But sadly, I, and don't many of us, still function as if we are still in the grave, still in the tomb? The abundant life is waiting on the other side of that rock and yet we are satisfied with grave clothes and crumbs, the meager life. It doesn't usually seem meager though, does it? The world paints the meager life as the abundant life, masking it in smiles, happiness, love and the notion that if you want it, then you must need it, and would be happier if you had "it".
Christ offers us abundant life, peace, joy, contentment. At what price? Nothing on our part. No, he paid it ALL. The price was his blood. The sale complete with our surrender, our total surrender, devotion, trust.

So why, if we know what awaits us each new morning on the other side of that rock, do we choose to live the day in grave clothes? All we have to do is let go, make a choice moment by moment, choose to trust that I am a new creation - the old has gone, the new has come!

Help me Jesus, today, to throw off the grave clothes and live as what you have already declared me to be....a new creation!

sick of the sick!

15 days and counting. 15 days of one medical thing after the other, sparing no one in our family. Death toll? Zero. Mentally exhausted toll? All 5..well at least husband and myself. Starting with a cut finger, a trip to the ER, the stomach flu for 3 out of 5 of us, 8 days of diarrhea for Taz, 5 days of on and off vomiting for Taz, colds for all 5 of us, Strep throat for myself and a whole lot of crying, sleepless nights, bottles of cleaner, and laundry. Phew! I'm just tired typing it all out again. Every time I thought we were done with one thing, something else would spring up. Something else like an infected finger for Pumpkin. Add one to the list.

How have I done being thankful? Can I rewrite the above with a attitude of grace and gratefulness? Let me try...
15 days and counting. 15 days of lots of medical issues that have been very minor. Death toll? None, thank you God! We weren't even close to that! Mentally exhausted toll? All 5...well at least husband and myself. But, at least I have a working mind that can get exhausted. It certainly wasn't a boring 15 days! Starting with a cut finger and a trip to the ER -thank you Lord that my finger is totally healed, fine, and no infection occurred; stomach flu for 3 out of 5 of us - thank you God that we didn't have to go to the hospital, husband so selflessly took care of us; 8 days of diarrhea and 5 days of vomiting for Taz - thank you Lord that I have a little boy who we can take care of when sick and thank you that it was only a virus; colds for all 5 of us - thank you Lord that we have working respiratory systems that can get colds; Strep for myself - thank you Jesus for medicine, an opening at the Dr. to see me, help from parents; Lots of crying - thank you that we don't have a silent house because there are no children to fill the rooms; Lots of sleepless nights - thank you God that you sustain us, not sleep; Lots of cleaner - thank you God that we have money to buy cleaner; Laundry - thank you Lord for a washing machine so I don't have to wash things by hand; infected finger - thank you Lord that Pumpkin has working fingers to get infected.

Wow. That took a lot longer to write but left me a whole lot more encouraged and uplifted. But its easier to look back and type out a different perspective. Far more difficult to actually embrace that outlook in the moment, in those minutes following another blow-out, those dark hours in the middle of the night when you'd rather be in a warm bed rather than cleaning up vomit. Yes, its much easier to just run with how you feel in that moment.

Easier does NOT = best, good, encouraging, helpful. Easier can often = discouraging, fear-producing, bitterness, anger, etc.

Lord Jesus, help me choose that which is best, even if it takes longer to type (or to preach to myself).
Help me say thank you, not just with a keyboard, not just with my mouth but truly with my heart.

"Give thanks in all circumstances, for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus for you." 1 Thessalonians 5:18

not important

I'm not even going to bother to calculate how long its been since I last posted...and I'm not even going to take the time to come up with some catchy relevant title. It just doesn't matter and its just not that important. This is life, beautiful, frazzled at times, painfully stretching....and hopefully, by one choice at a time, an abundant life.

Right now, where I'm at, I feel frazzled, distracted, tired....but at least not apathetic. Not blatantly apathetic. What I long for is what this hymn ends with....Oh, the bitter shame and sorrow

Oh, the bitter shame and sorrow,
  That a time could ever be,
When I let the Savior's pity
Plead in vain, and proudly answered,
  All of self, and none of Thee,
  All of self and none of Thee.

Yet He found me; I beheld Him
  Bleeding on the cursed tree;
Heard Him pray, Forgive them, Father,
And my wistful heart said faintly,
  Some of self, and some of Thee,
  Some of self, and some of Thee.

Day by day His tender mercy,
  Healing, helping, full and free,
Sweet and strong, and ah! so patient,
Brought me lower while I whispered,
  Less of self, and more of Thee,
  Less of self, and more of Thee.

Higher than the highest heavens,
  Deeper than the deepest sea,
Lord, Thy love at last hath conquered;
Grant me now my heart's petition,
  None of self, and all of Thee,
  None of self, and all of Thee.

Source: http://www.hymnal.net/hymn.php/h/435#ixzz1d78Um2ck


My heart, my new self in Christ, longs for the last two lines to be true. None of self, and all of Thee. Sadly though I feel like I'm only at stanza 2, and some days stanza 1. How I truly long to believe, in heart and mind, like Paul in 1 Timothy 1:15 that I am the worst sinner of all. It is this humility, this recognition, that brings us so desperately to the foot of the cross. Its at the foot of the cross that we are offered the fullest life, the life where I am abiding in Christ.
Why is this so hard? Why do I continue to think something of myself, to do things by my power, for my glory? Why am I so afraid to admit to everyone, including myself, what a sinner I am? 


Help me let go Christ. Help me choose joy, choose eucharisteo, choose none of self, and choose all of Thee.