Day 13 of 40

A Monday of mercy....that is what today was. I felt the Lord's mercy continue to wash over me through the day. I felt him reminding me how much he loved me, how much I needed him, how much I needed to STOP striving and straining. I needed to stop expecting a "perfect" day, stop expecting or striving to be super mom, to have angelic children, to have perfectly structured time with no interruptions. Its so easy to pile on expectations only to fall hard in ungratefulness, anger, and bitterness. Its a hard choice for me -to just live each moment without expectations, to live each moment and accept it as a gift handed down from a loving and kind Father.

Pumpkin was up by 6:30 (in other words, WAY before I was even thinking of opening my eyes). Taz was up by 7:15. But, thanks to the movie Punchinello and his green nose, I was able to have a somewhat "quiet" time with the Lord. Sometimes it doesn't look the way I want it to (again, nix the expectations) but I can either cling to self the rest of the day which never goes well or I can cling to Jesus and His truth. As I chose my verse to hold on to throughout the day, I looked for a verse on self-control and the Lord reminded me of this one in 1 Peter 4:7, "The end of all things is at hand; therefore be self-controlled and sober-minded for the sake of your prayers." Did you see the end of that verse? Because I think its pretty easy to just get stuck on the command be self-controlled and sober-minded. "For the sake of your prayers" - is it possible that my flippant anger and my fly-by-my-emotions way of living could hinder my prayers!??! I don't know but it sounds like that is kinda what this verse may be implying. It helped remind me today that self-control is not just a nice virtue to have...its a command from the almighty God and it can have more effects that I will ever know or see!

I very much enjoyed my children today. Thank you Jesus for helping me to. We had a book party on my bed, a painting session before that, and I was able to do a workout during morning room-time. I heard some terrible news again today...a little boy who would have turned 4 in 2 weeks (Pumpkin turns 4 in 3 weeks) was found dead in his bed by his parents yesterday morning. I hear and feel my own heart cracking, feeling that mother's anguish, heartache, ripping of her own self. I can hardly think on it for too long because I feel myself coming undone, giving way to fear for my own children. Instead, I choose to thank Jesus that I had another precious day with a sweet boy Pumpkin, an adorable Taz, and a gentle Miss O. Oh that I would see them through His eyes every day.

I pray that whoever reads this, that you will thank the Lord for your loved ones. Not just a cursory "thanks" thrown up to heaven but a deep, heart-felt, "thank You Father for stooping down from Heaven and handing me, your child, this person as a gift."

day 10, 11 and 12 (in a nutshell!)

Recapping the weekend (and this will be short as I so much want to cuddle up with my hubs and finish watching Walk the Line)...

Friday - a very hard day. Whose fault? My own! Did I cling to truth, choose to be thankful, exercise self-control of my anger and frustration? Nope. Looking back, I am so thankful for that day because you know what? We all survived that day, we didn't have a tornado rip through our home or rip one of my children out of my own hands. No. I have so many reasons to be thankful and yet I whined the whole day. I did start that morning off well thanks to a dear friend of mine who sent me some tea for a morning such as that.

There wasn't much focusing on my part but the tea sure was good! The day ended well with me and the boys playing "nest" which consisted of piling up all the pillows and blankets in my bedroom and then jumping on them and acting like birds on a nest. :) Yes, only the creativity and imagination of little kids can come up with that. 

Saturday - 180 degree difference from Friday! Mr. B let me get out in the morning and I was by myself for 2 and a half hours! A date with the Lord at Panera and then some grocery shopping. We enjoyed a nice fire in the evening, a trip to the library as a family, a nap for everyone and fun cooking with Mr. B. Here are some pics from our fun family day! Oh yeah, and I actually worked out! I didn't want to at all, I was already in my pajamas...but then I thought of how I need to get in 29 days of 40 so I asked the Lord for some self-discipline and turbo jammed it up!

Sunday (today) - up at 7 but my brain took another 2 hours to wake up. We finally were able to go to church as a family. Did I work out? Not today. Did I enjoy my children and spend good quality time with them? Not very much. Mr. B did. He had a reading party with them in Pumpkin's closet while I sat by the fire and read and soaked up the quiet. I think though that that is what I needed...so that tomorrow I can be a better mommy. Well, by the Lord's grace, we'll see how tomorrow goes!

Day 9 of 40

Hard to believe I'm almost to double digits in this journey...

This morning Pumpkin was up and in my bed at 5:45 and Miss O was up three times last night. It makes me smile looking at a night/morning like that and seeing how the Lord still beautifully met me today and encouraged me. Surprisingly I still had some quiet moments in the Word and during naptime all three slept at the same time, the sun was shining through the windows, and I got to read a very encouraging chapter from One Thousand Gifts by Ann Voskamp as well as read the whole Real Simple magazine from February.
Taz and I had some good time watching a cartoon this morning but it was hard to pull myself away from task-mode. It is especially hard to do this when Pumpkin is at preschool because I feel like I can do more with only two smaller children to look after...yet Taz needs my love and attention just as much. I know it too...he comes up to me, arms raised for me to pick him up and points over to the couch. I see in those eyes his request for his mommy to come hold him while he watches Elmo. Its incredibly sweet if I stop to savor it...otherwise I just miss it because I'm too focused on being productive.

Tomorrow is a new day, His mercies are new, and I pray that I will focus on each child, love them, and show them Jesus in whatever way that may look.

Woops - I guess the real day 6 and 8 out of 40

So I'm not really sure what happened...I just realized tonight that I forgot to blog Monday which should have been day 6, which meant yesterday was day 7 and today is day 8! Oh well...day 6, the real day 6, Monday, went well. These days with three kiddos to take care of I have a hard time remembering what I ate for breakfast let alone what I did two days ago but I'm pretty sure it was a success. I did have some time with the Lord, no exercise, and we had fun doing something :)...I just can't seem to remember what that something was. Oh yeah! Nothing like pictures to remind you of what you did. 

We painted bread and then chowed down...don't worry, not real paint, just colored milk. We also made a prayer pail. Pumpkin wanted to play with the sticks at first but once I gave him a bunch of his own blank sticks, he was good. We've used the prayer pail the last two nights of family devo's and its been a fun way for Noah to pray for people. 

So that was day 6...AGAIN! And this is Day 8....

Not sure why Pumpkin again was up before 7 am but he was. However, I was still able to get in a shower and a few quiet moments with Jesus. The fact that the windows were opened in February helped me to thank Him all day for sunshine, fresh air, screen doors being used, playground fun. The boys and I had some good reading time on the couch before lunch and some playtime outside before dinner.
Thanks to my awesome mentor, I also got in a day of exercise (WOOHOO!)...which means 3 down out of 29 days of exercising. We worked it hard for 45 minutes of power walking...walking and talking which makes the workout even better. Thank you friend!

I pray that tomorrow, whatever the day may look like, that I would continue to grow in self-discipline and self-control...especially in controlling my temper, my anger and instead, clinging to Proverbs 15:1..."a soft answer turns away wrath but a harsh word stirs up anger."

Off to watch Leap Year on Leap Day!

Day 6 of 40

Have you ever noticed that when you commit to doing something it seems like extra things come up, the uncommon becomes more common, and you feel like someone is specifically trying to stop your efforts? In my case, the enemy probably is that someone, trying to stop efforts of fruit production for the Lord's kingdom. Miss O was up twice last night and Pumpkin climbed into bed with me before my alarm even went off. Yikes. Thankfully, Pumpkin fell back asleep and I slept a few minutes past my alarm. I did have a few sweet quiet minutes in my brown chair before all were up and ready to go. A few minutes but certainly not enough. No, my mind really wasn't renewed. I wasn't surrendered and ready to cling to the Lord all day. Its almost as if when I wake up in the morning I am covered with yucky sinful goop (yes, goop...in other words, myself and selfishness). If I don't purpose to have the Lord scrub that off each morning, I'm dragged down by it all day and sinful choices and actions result.

I did enjoy my children though more today. Thanks to a freezer meal, the last hour of the day before Mr. B got home (my least favorite hour), I was able to just play in Pumpkin's room with him and Taz. We spent some time outside this evening as well. How refreshing to just inhale the cool breeze!

6 days down, 34 to go!

Day 5 of 40

Its crazy to me that its already day 5! Day 5 of choosing self-discipline, choosing to do what's sometimes hard, not fun, not my first choice. Like this morning when I wanted to sleep in. I wanted to sleep in since Pumpkin was sick again through the night and we were up with him. But my own words came ringing through  my head...that I would get up and renew my mind with the Lord regardless of how my night of sleep went. I was extra thankful for my extra Panera coffee I had leftover from yesterday's breakfast date.

The weather was beautiful today which helped pull me outside for a run while everyone else was napping. Hard, but good. Good for my body and even better for my mind.

I didn't do a great job enjoying my children today...mainly due to my excessive attention toward planning Pumpkin's birthday. Tomorrow is a new day though. A new day to choose to enjoy them, love on them, play with them, laugh with them and just let them be who God made them to be.

By the Lord's gentle, yet firm, reminders, may I see them through His eyes, see their strengths, their gifts...to remember that they are their own person and they have been entrusted to me. I pray that tomorrow I will choose to be thankful, to love, and to live out the beautiful gospel and Word of Jesus.

Day 4 of 40

Yep, I was right - waking up at 7 am on a Saturday morning is NOT easy! Thankfully though the Lord woke me up a few minutes after as I realized my alarm on my phone was on silent. Oops! It was a nice quiet morning - that is for about 40 minutes. But I'll take it! One of my favorite things right now about waking up early is sitting in my recliner chair which is right next to the window and having the light from outside pour in over me. Its back to that time of year where I don't have to have a lamp on because its too dark inside. Nope, spring is around the corner and brighter mornings is just what I need to keep me awake.

There was no exercising today but I certainly enjoyed my family as my husband surprised me with a morning date....

We enjoyed each other's company as we shared a cup of some of our favorite Panera coffee. We were able to have this kid-free date thanks to an amazing godly couple who has been asking to babysit - can't turn that down folks! We came back to pick them up and found Pumpkin, of course, dressed up.

If you can't tell, he was in his element! All three kiddos did great for them which we were grateful to hear. The rest of the day held naps for all, an errand run for just Pumpkin and myself, a haircut for Pumpkin by daddy, and just laughing together.

Taz isn't feeling well and when I started to fear about his health, one of the verses I'm memorizing in this 40 day journey, came to mind and boy, did I cling to it..."When I am afraid, I put my trust in you. In God, whose word I praise, in God I trust. I shall not be afraid. What can flesh do to me?" Psalm 56:3-4. Another reminder that God's word is sharper than any double-edged sword...discerning the thoughts and intentions of the heart (Hebrews 4:12)...in my case, cutting away feelings that cover lies that steal my joy.

Our favorite line of the day was my Pumpkin..."Hey Mommy, this is where the police man came when you were going faster. We have rules about that!" Nothing slips past that boy.