not important

I'm not even going to bother to calculate how long its been since I last posted...and I'm not even going to take the time to come up with some catchy relevant title. It just doesn't matter and its just not that important. This is life, beautiful, frazzled at times, painfully stretching....and hopefully, by one choice at a time, an abundant life.

Right now, where I'm at, I feel frazzled, distracted, tired....but at least not apathetic. Not blatantly apathetic. What I long for is what this hymn ends with....Oh, the bitter shame and sorrow

Oh, the bitter shame and sorrow,
  That a time could ever be,
When I let the Savior's pity
Plead in vain, and proudly answered,
  All of self, and none of Thee,
  All of self and none of Thee.

Yet He found me; I beheld Him
  Bleeding on the cursed tree;
Heard Him pray, Forgive them, Father,
And my wistful heart said faintly,
  Some of self, and some of Thee,
  Some of self, and some of Thee.

Day by day His tender mercy,
  Healing, helping, full and free,
Sweet and strong, and ah! so patient,
Brought me lower while I whispered,
  Less of self, and more of Thee,
  Less of self, and more of Thee.

Higher than the highest heavens,
  Deeper than the deepest sea,
Lord, Thy love at last hath conquered;
Grant me now my heart's petition,
  None of self, and all of Thee,
  None of self, and all of Thee.

Source: http://www.hymnal.net/hymn.php/h/435#ixzz1d78Um2ck


My heart, my new self in Christ, longs for the last two lines to be true. None of self, and all of Thee. Sadly though I feel like I'm only at stanza 2, and some days stanza 1. How I truly long to believe, in heart and mind, like Paul in 1 Timothy 1:15 that I am the worst sinner of all. It is this humility, this recognition, that brings us so desperately to the foot of the cross. Its at the foot of the cross that we are offered the fullest life, the life where I am abiding in Christ.
Why is this so hard? Why do I continue to think something of myself, to do things by my power, for my glory? Why am I so afraid to admit to everyone, including myself, what a sinner I am? 


Help me let go Christ. Help me choose joy, choose eucharisteo, choose none of self, and choose all of Thee. 

Such contrast...so sad

This morning at church we heard a great sermon on the psalms and in particular, Psalm 1. In this Psalm, we are shown that there are 2 paths that each person is on. We choose, in lots of little decisions throughout the day, which path we are going to walk on. We choose, in lots of big decisions too.

We read, "Blessed is the man who walks not in the counsel of the wicked....but his delight is in the law of the Lord...He is like a tree planted by streams of water...In all that he does, he prospers. The wicked are not so, but are like the chaff that the wind drives away....The Lord knows the way of the righteous, but the way of the wicked will perish."

So what is the abundant life? the "perfect" life? Christ came so that each person may have life and have it abundantly (See John 10). A life committed to Jesus may not look perfect from the outside and is certainly not without struggle and tears. BUT, and that is a very big BUT, it is certainly a life of abundant and perfect joy, the perfection of Christ which cleanses us and redeems us, and an eternal life in and with Him.

Then I came home and opened the paper to read something very sad. On the front page of the Indy 500 insert is the main story entitled "He's got it All"...."Dario Franchitti has the movie star wife, two Indy 500 titles and all sorts of wonderful hobbies. It's a perfect life..."

Unfortunately, that author is not joking or being sarcastic. And there are millions of people who share his view and see Dario's life as perfect, as "having it all". I don't know Dario and so I will not presume to think I know whether or not he knows the Lord. But, what is sad is that we all can fall into this line of thinking. We think that things, stuff, fame, power, money, etc. lead to "having it all."

Let's not forget that this man, like every single person on earth, has hard times, struggles, tragedies, fears, temptations, failures, etc. Do Indy 500 titles help in those times? Does a movie star wife compared to a "regular" housewife help any more in those times? Do fun hobbies fill voids that only Christ can fill?

Its easy to skim past how these lies creep up in our own lives but maybe I could turn the questions a bit to fit us. Do job promotions or high-paying jobs help in hard times? Does a spouse, friend, or child comfort us more than Christ in those times? Do hobbies, shopping, sports, music fill voids that only Christ can fill or do we go to those things for comfort and peace instead of Christ?

May we, on this day, choose to walk the path that is centered on God's truth and that truly leads to the abundant life that includes "having it all"...peace, holiness, righteousness, God's power, love, truth....and the list goes on.

Best Mother's Day Ever

Granted I've only had 3 mother's days, but, nonetheless this was the best by far. After a great message at church and the wrapping up of 2 years in the book of Matthew, we headed home to do nothing more than relax. For brunch, my wonderful husband made my favorite brunch type meal...cheese blintzes drowned in a strawberry topping. After spending some time outside, my wonderful husband again gave me the royal spa treatment. He knows how much I love being pampered and so I received both a massage and a FACIAL!! From none other than Mr. B himself! What a trooper...as I scrambled to find every face product I own and then proceeded to explain what to do. He definitely is wired to be an engineer but in his heart he is the biggest most selfless servant I know personally. For dinner, he made me my favorite BLT pizza on the grill, we ate outside, went on a walk and then watched a movie at night while devouring chocolate cakes in a mug. My gift from Mr. B and the two little B's is a chaise lounge to put on our patio for those rare moments I can sunbathe in my backyard!

My most favorite part of this Mother's Day which is truly straight from the hands of my oldest is pictured below which he made at preschool...

The mug, as you can see, is somewhere between hideous and abstract and I absolutely LOVE IT!! I am so excited to drink my coffee from it. He may not be an artist but that little boy as a HUGE heart.

Lastly, the mug was supposed to be a surprise, which Noah informed me weeks before when he told me he had a secret that he was making a mug for me and I was not to tell anyone because it was a secret. You gotta love little kids!

AWOL?

That has been me....majorly absent! I can't believe it has been almost 2 MONTHS since I've written. And that's not a good thing. Life got a little hectic in March between working, birthdays and vacation. But honestly, I have kinda crawled under a rock. Not physically obviously but emotionally or mentally or something personal like that. It's like when you see a hermit crab curl back into his shell. Reason? Nothing specific other than our human nature. At least mine. The Lord calls us to keep our eyes on Him, on serving Him and others. And when we don't, we start looking at ourselves. Over time, we became so focused on our own day-to-day problems, schedules, tasks that we in essence become hermit crabs stuck in our shell.

Well, no more! By the Lord's grace, I'm comin' out of the shell and back into the world that exists for more than just me :) It doesn't mean the day-to-day problems, schedules and tasks disappear. But, I have decided they don't need to rule me or overtake me. One of my favorite songs reminds me that nothing is too big for us because Christ Jesus has already overcame. It goes, "All authority, every victory is yours!"

May we not forget that chaos, lack of sleep, crazy schedules doesn't mean we have to curl into our self-absorbed and self-focused shells. We can face it with grace and the peace of God because Christ has overcome and every victory is His...including our seemingly "too big" problems!

Check out this link to listen to the song....awesome lyrics: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6sjYWrpNoCs

Resting on promises

I love singing. Its one of those passions I've had since a little girl that nonetheless lead to many nights, while lying on my Rainbow Brite sheets, dreaming of how I would someday stand on a stage in a large venue and proudly belt out lyrics no doubt similar to Debbie Gibson.Well, thankfully, that never happened as it was both a foolish and self-centered dream. However, I still just as much enjoy belting out praises to my God. I love listening to lyrics of songs and allowing my heart to so powerfully connect with the words.

Growing up in a more conservative church, we sang a lot of hymns and more "choral" time songs. There was one song in particular I remember singing quite often and still sing when we visit my parent's church. My mom may resonate with some of this as she loves singing and the Lord has blessed her with the gift. But this one song, I now read in scripture and wonder how its possible that I've sang it all these years without allowing it to connect with my heart. As I read these words in scripture I'm both humbled and extremely grateful for the love and strength of my Lord. How is it that I've sang these verses so many times and yet never felt anything? 

"The steadfast love of the Lord never ceases, his mercies never come to an end; they are new every morning. great is your faithfulness. 'The Lord is my portion,' says my soul, 'therefore I will hope in him.' The Lord is good to those who wait for him, to the soul who seeks him. It is good that one should wait quietly for the salvation of the Lord. It is good for a man that he bear the yoke in his youth." Lamentations 3:23-27

Now, all those verses aren't in the song but I found myself even as I read them in the bible skimming over them as I heard the song in my head. I noticed they weren't really registering with my heart. Its possible to do this I suppose, with any song really that uses scripture as lyrics.

Oh, but may we just rest today on the Lord's wonderful promises....his steadfast love, his love for us that never (NEVER) ceases, his mercies on us that will NOT end, his mercies on us that are new each morning, his great faithfulness (even when we are NOT faithful), his goodness to those who wait for him, to those who seek him. May we, like the writer in Lamentations, say and resolve that the Lord IS my portion.

I pray that today the Lord will be my portion and that I will hope in him. I pray the same for you. And I pray that as we sing and worship, especially when singing scripture, that we will remember we are speaking God's holy words and that we will never skim over them.

Lastly, for those of you who shared my love for Rainbow Brite, I just couldn't help but put this in....just to stir up good memories....

Rewind and REPEAT

Haha...I just thought I'd share an additional post probably stating what ya'll are thinking already. Does she remember what she just wrote about a week or two ago?!?

I just read some of my previous post "80/20" and realized that I should tattoo a bunch of things on myself, maybe then it would sink in. :)

Well, thanks in advance, for your grace and patience with me as you read things that may seem repetitive. But, the Lord is having to rewind and repeat things for me until it gets through my THICK head!  Praise you Lord for being persistent, slow to anger, and patient!

Planning gone awry

It has been a while since I've written on here, and mainly because I've allowed myself to get caught up in a whirlwind of perfection. Surprised? Probably not. But I spent a good part of the last 2 weeks focusing (correction: obsessing) on my role as a homemaker and a teacher to my children (mainly just one little guy right now). I became so consumed with things for a few days that I found my times in prayer distracted and disjointed - all because my thoughts and my "devotion" were on something else.

Then I read Colossians 2:8-10..."See to it that no one takes you captive through philosophy and empty deception, according to the tradition of men, according to the elementary principles of the world, rather than according to Christ....in Him you have been made complete."

Its not that the things I was focusing on were deceiving or even worldly-focused. I've been spending a lot of time researching and in the beginning stages of creating/finding a teaching plan for Pumpkin (my 3 yrd old) since I'll be a full-time SAHM (stay-at-home-mom). The ideas and curriculum we will be mainly using is written by a Christian missionary SAHM and her curriculum both is based on and focuses on Christ. BUT, for a few days I was so consumed with things that it was in a sense taking me captive. Anything, even good things, can take us captive when they rise above Christ. When you base your identity, your worth, your time, etc. etc. on something other than Christ, it becomes empty deception.

"In Him you have been made complete"....Wow. Can we just stop and read that again? "In Him you have been made complete." There, I made your read it again :) Oh how I hope your soul leaps for joy when you read that as mine did and continues to every time I read it. Note: It doesn't say "perfect", it says "complete". No, unfortunately we won't be perfect until the day Christ returns (see Philippians 1:6). But we are complete! You, just as the Lord made you, are complete if you know Christ. You don't have to strive to be someone you aren't. You don't have to strive to be super-teacher or super-mom or super-worker or super-_______. No, you are already complete in Christ because HE has filled you with all you need for life and godliness (1 Peter 1:3).

Oh how the Lord is so gracious, compassionate and patient with me. Does anyone know where I can get "D.W.M." tattooed on my forehead?? Well, I guess then I wouldn't see it. I pray that the Lord would tattoo it on my heart! Just like a real tattoo, its a painful process but permanent in the end.

I pray that whenever you, whoever you are, read this post that you will spend a few minutes just contemplating on the profound truth that if you know Christ, know him as your Savior and Lord, that you are complete in Him. And then, praise Him! Throw off the lies that are hindering you and telling you that you aren't ______ enough. You are enough just as you are because you are filled with the Savior of the world!

20/80

Maybe its our you-can-do-it-yourself culture or perhaps just my quasi-perfectionist-sometimes-TypeA personality but I frequently catch myself trying to "improve" myself by my own efforts. I catch myself trying to build up my faith or make myself holier, etc. Its usually a frustrating process as, of course, my own efforts fail to produce the results and "improvement" I was hoping for. That is why, in the last few days, I have drawn so much encouragement from the following passages as the Lord has gently reminded me of something. It is not my job to come 90 or 80% of the way to let Him do the remaining 10 or 20%. It is not our job to "get ourselves right" and then come to the Lord for the "leftovers". He has gently reminded me of what I think is perhaps the exact opposite. It is my job to come 20% of the way with the little I have and in the ugly state I am in - to come to the Lord for the rest of the 80% or the "entree".

Paul reminds us in Colossians 1:21-23 of who we were before Christ, who we are now in Him, and why our do-it-ourselves attitudes just don't work in God's kingdom. "And you, who once were alienated and hostile in mind, doing evil deeds, he has now reconciled in his body of flesh by his death, in order to present you holy and blameless and above reproach before him, if indeed you continue in the faith, stable and steadfast, not shifting from the hope of the gospel that you heard, which has been proclaimed in all creation under heaven."

Then in Colossians 1:29, "For this I toil, struggling with all his energy that he powerfully works within me."

Looking at those passages...lets look at our jobs, our 20%...and then we'll look at what the Lord promises.
Our role: continue in the faith, remain stable and steadfast, don't shift from the hope of the gospel, toil for Christ and fellow believers
Christ's role: reconcile us, present us holy and blameless and above reproach, giving us his energy, powerfully working his energy in us

It isn't our job to make ourselves holy and blameless, to "get ourselves right" and then come to the Lord. No, it is just our job, our 20%, to push on toward Christ and TRUST in Him to make us more like Him.

That doesn't mean our 20% is easy or comes natural. But sometimes when you realize your job isn't as big as you thought it was, it seems more attainable.

So to myself and anyone else out there reading this, PUSH ON. Keep on striving. Just continue. Continue in truth, in prayer, in fellowship. Continue in love and grace. Remain stable and firm and steadfast - whatever that may take. Let go of perfection on your terms and let the ultimate perfecter perfect you himself.

Sometimes its just a choice

Where are you right now? More pointedly, where is your heart today? Are you anxious about an upcoming event or change? Are you hurting and sad? Are you discontent with your circumstances? Are you impatient or confused?

Sometimes, as David knew well, life is hard. Sometimes its hard because the Lord allows it and wants to use it to grow you and other times its hard because of our own sin. Either way the Lord will use it. But, sometimes, life is hard and it hurts. Your head may know something to be true but that doesn't necessarily mean your heart will gladly join along.

Psalm 103:1-5
"Bless the Lord, O my soul, and all that is within me, bless his holy name! Bless the Lord, O my soul, and forget not all his benefits, who forgives all your iniquity, who heals all your diseases, who redeems your life from the pit, who crowns you with steadfast love and mercy, who satisfies you with good so that your youth is renewed like the eagles."

Why does David have to tell his soul, not once but twice, to bless the Lord? Why does David have to tell his soul not to forget all the amazing things the Lord has done in his life? Why does David have to remind himself how good the Lord is and who the Lord is? He does all this because sometimes its just a choice. Truth may not always come naturally flowing out of your head and heart. Some days, like today perhaps, we just have to choose to remember. Choose to cling to truth. Choose to bless the Lord and remember how good he is. I wish we didn't have to choose. I wish it just came so naturally that every second of the day, regardless of what was going on around me, I would bless the Lord, revel in his goodness, fear him in all his glory. But the fall of man did occur. And we are fallen sinful people in need of a gracious God who does forgive us and heal us and redeem us. And, thankfully, that is who our God is.

The Lord is worthy of our blessing. He is worthy of all of our devotion. And He is loving and merciful.

Wherever your heart is this morning, make the choice to believe. Believe God is who he says he is and that he is merciful and gracious. Choose to cling to truth. Choose to cling to joy. Choose to remember God's blessings today that you may be content right now. Choose to remember God's perfect timing that you may wait on his blessings patiently. Choose to remember that God satisfies you with good and renews your youth. Choose to remember that God will give you grace and strength in whatever change you are about to face.

For me, today, I choose to remember that God is good, that God loves me, and that he crowns me, a wretched sinner, with steadfast love and mercy.

Lets all make the choice today, lets learn from David, the man after God's own heart.

The Bingel 500

A few years ago we were in a couples bible study and one of the couples had recently had their first child. They were very financially limited but had unlimited faith. It was hard for them to afford even the basics for their little girl such as diapers, etc. As our bible study came to a close one night and we all were saying our "good-byes" we opened the door to leave and found a large package filled with diapers and $200 in cash. No note, no recipient listed. We were all floored, shocked, and quickly on the brink of tears. The Lord provided at just the right time and in such a huge way. I often have thought of that moment to remind me of the Lord's faithfulness and goodness.

And now, as of last Thursday, I have a story of our own - a testimony, really, of the Lord's gracious and abundant generosity. This month has been a bit "tighter" for us as I was not able to work for almost 3 weeks. With school loans, children, my car having troubles (again) and the rest of the expense list, things were tight. We opened our mail to find an envelope, addressed to us, no return address and inside was 2 very amazing gifts. The first was a single sheet of computer paper with 3 verses on it: James 1:17, Psalm 84:11-12, and Matthew 5:5 - verses that are incredibly humbling.

The second gift was a check....a check worth $500. 6 days later and it still brings tears to my eyes. I'm still processing it all - the Lord's goodness despite my total lack of goodness, someone's faithfulness to the Lord and the body of Christ despite my lack of faithfulness. It is all humbling beyond words. We have no idea who was so generous but we thank you, whoever you are.  You probably aren't reading this but we yet I am compelled to express our deepest gratitude. Your generosity and love has spurred us on towards more love and good deeds; it has instilled in us a greater desire to bless someone else, even if it stretches our pocketbook.

As a result, we have come up with the phrase, "The Bingel 500". Whenever we are doubting the Lord's faithfulness or a financial burden arises, we will remind each other of "The Bingel 500" - reminding us that the Lord is never early or late, He has plans to prosper us and not to harm us, and He is an abundant giver.

The Lord is not a bare-minimum giver. He is an abundant overflowing giver. Trust in the Lord and store your treasures in heaven and He will bless you.

Thank you, thank you, thank you....to you, Lord and to you, our dear sister or brother in Christ! We love you.

John 10:10-11 Jesus is speaking and declares, "I came that they may have life and have it abundantly. I am the good shepherd."

He is good and He gives abundantly.

Walk the talk

We have a phrase in our home that we repeat to our 3 year old often regarding obeying: Right away, all the way, with a happy heart. We try to make it fun and have him say it with us. While he doesn't get all 3 parts of that yet, he will someday. And while it may be idealistic to expect that of him now, the principles, nonetheless, are encouraged and commanded by the Lord. We are teaching him according to what the Lord asks of all of us. When I tell my 3 year old to put away his Legos, he believes that means putting away a few of them over the course of 10 minutes and whining along the way. I explain to him, hopefully gently, that I mean for him to put all, yes all 72 of them, away right then and do it without complaining or whining. Each time I say our little chant, its impossible for me not to be convicted myself. How can I ask my 3 yr old to do something without making sure I am doing the same?
When the Lord asks me to respect my husband, he does not mean for me to "spread" my respect out over a long period of time, respecting him when I feel like it, to respect him sometimes and tear him down others, and to "whine" along the way. No, He expects me to show my husband respect right away, yes, even in that very difficult heated discussion and to fully respect him (not allowing unwholesome talk come out of my mouth). He expects me to respect my husband while having a pure heart. That may not mean that its easy to respect him or even that I'm excited to. But its what the Lord commands and He asks for and expects my willing and joyful obedience. Right away, all the way, with a happy heart.

I'm continually reminded of James 1:22, "Do not merely listen to the word, and so deceive yourselves. Do what it says." I have read that verse many times but it wasn't until a few months ago that the last 4 words especially jumped off the page for me. "Do what it says." Do it! Just do it! The Lord could not be more direct. He reminded me that when we read the word and read his commands, commands like love others, forgive others, be joyful, etc. and do not love all others, forgive others, are bitter, etc. we are deceiving ourselves!

At times it seems idealistic, just like asking a 3 yr old, to obey the Lord right away, all the way, and with a happy heart. But, we can take heart and be confident that because that is in the Lord's will, he will do it in us! (1 John 5:14-15). I love it that the Lord doesn't ask anything of us that He won't supply the power and strength to do. (Colossians 1:11).

So, may we all walk one step at a time today singing to ourselves, "Right away, all the way, with a happy heart" and then just do it!

Christmas day every day

Have you ever watched young children open presents on Christmas? Most of them act in a similar manner whether opening gifts on Christmas or their birthday. Unless they got a great night of sleep or nap and are overflowing with the fruit of the Spirit, namely patience, (at that young age, good luck!) there usually is a lot of whining involved, grabbing the gift out of a sibling or cousin's grasp, and asking where the next gift is. The scene usually unfolds like this: You carefully pick out gifts that your child will be ecstatic about and you purchase them not for your own benefit but purely for them. You spend an hour or so wrapping them, tying on bows, knowing the whole time that it won't be appreciated or probably even noticed by your 2 or 3 yr old. But, nonetheless, you know that he or she loves ripping off the paper. And, it looks pretty to you! The time has come to lavish the gifts on your child. You watch them as they burst into joyful screams, jump up and down in an excitement, and rush over to the pile of gifts. They rip off the paper to find the gift inside and for a split second, a millisecond really, they seem to be very grateful. You are ready to sit back and enjoy watching them play with that toy that you just knew they would love and have fun with. But wait...they actually threw the toy down and are already ripping into the next gift. The paper is off this one before you can even say the word "Wait". This time you hardly get a smile before they are, once again, on to the next gift. And so it continues until you're left with a pile of shredded paper, a pile of toys, and a little one crying and asking for more.

Pretty typical, right? Maybe it doesn't go quite that bad but now imagine you are older, perhaps in your 50's or 60's. Its your daughter or son's birthday again. They are much older now. They have spouses, children, mortgages and jobs. You enjoyed picking out their gifts because you know they don't always have the funds to splurge. You wrapped them up all nice and neat - again, because really its just prettier that way. You have your son sit down while you bring the gifts to him. Unexpectedly though, this grown 30 yr old man starts ripping the paper off and tearing into the gift. Bows and ribbon is flying in the air, boxes are tossed across the room. He sees the first item, throws a cursory "thanks" your way and is off to the next gift while you sit their astonished. You blink, maybe even pinch yourself, to make sure that 28 years really has passed and this is not your 2 yr old again. No, this is your grown child. This continues, again, until you're left with a pile of shredded paper, a pile of gadgets most likely, and a grown man annoyed and asking for more.

Pretty ridiculous, right? Well, the Lord, in his infinite grace and mercy reminded me that we too can act like this. The scene looks a little different and there isn't really wrapping perse but it still plays out the same. The Lord blesses us each day with some repeating, though still amazing, gifts like breath, a new day, a warm bed, food, etc. He also gives us other gifts, that He picks out just for you or me, like a sunny warm day or a fresh cup of coffee or a kiss from a loved one. Sadly though, I find myself all too often throwing up to him a cursory "thanks" and going on to the next gift. I continue to do this, saying thanks less and less and looking more and more for the other gifts. By the end of the day there I am, standing among hundreds (yes, count them and I'm sure there are hundreds) of gifts and asking for more. Pretty ridiculous is right.

Verses to remember: "Every good and perfect gift is from above." James 1:17, "Give thanks in all circumstances, for this is God's will for you in Christ Jesus." Thess 5:18, and "Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds in Christ Jesus." Phil 4:6-7.

When we have a truly thankful heart and remember the multitude of gifts God lavishes on us each day, it is pretty hard to be anxious about things. I pray that tomorrow will be different -that my "thanks" will be true and that I will gratefully open up one "gift" at a time. Next time you watch a child open up gifts hopefully it will be a good reminder to check yourself and make sure you aren't still a 3 yrd old living in an adult's life.

She does exist! At least in plastic...

I bet it won't be a surprise to anyone who reads this but did you know that there is a Barbie Mommy Doll? She is actually part of the set appropriately (or idealistically) named Barbie Happy Family Set, complete with the whole happy family made up of Ken, baby and Barbie herself. Well, in some of them there are a few kids in the mix but nonetheless, she does exist. I wondered if there was this morning as I found myself, once again, wanting to be perfect mommy. I usually walk down this dead-end road when the d.w.m. isn't fully in place for the day. Although a dead-end road, its a road I think many moms try out. We try to do it all, starting at 7 am and hoping we can make it to the 9 or 10 pm bedtime. We try and keep the house spotless, fix healthy and delicious meals 3 times a day, play with our children while teaching them their letters, numbers, manners, etc., keep up on the latest with our friends, start and finish those new Martha Stewart-like projects, knit an afghan in a day, and have dinner on the table by the time our husband gets home! Phew! I'm exhausted just writing all that. Yet, that ideal still drives me throughout the day. Well, maybe not the afghan part but most of the other stuff is true, and usually some other ridiculous things thrown in the mix. Its not a wonder that I find myself all around worn out, frustrated, and feeling like a failure. I won't get into the myriad of reasons why I, and countless other moms, tend to go down this road - at least not today. :)

No, today I want to just rest. Not analyze, just rest. I am going to choose to cling to Matthew 11:28, "Come to me, all who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you, and learn from me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light.”

To my dear friends that are soon-to-be mommies in the next 2 months or next 2 yrs, Barbie Mommy will haunt you time and time again. She will tell you that it can be done, that you too can do it, if you just try hard enough. But, as you know, she is just plastic. She was made by Mattel, not God. And you cannot do it all. You will mess up, you will make mistakes as a mommy, the house will sometimes be a mess, dinner won't always be ready, and you won't always look like you showered and put makeup on (most likely cause you didn't because you were busy changing diapers and cleaning up spit-up). But that is O.K. Enjoy the chaos, the lessons learned, the less-than-perfection state of things. And most importantly, find your rest in Him, in Jesus Christ alone. Not your husband, not your children, not your projects, work, or hobbies. Only He will give you rest, rest that everyone, especially mommies need.


Remember, enjoy your Creator and throw Barbie Mommy out because in reality, her smile is only painted on. Yours will be real and lasting.

d.w.m.

So what's up with the initials d.w.m.? Well, each day as I come before the Lord, I have a habit of writing down the priorities in my life. I write them down as a reminder to myself, as a renewal to the Lord, and as a list of how to pray the rest of the day. Months back I noticed that by the end of the day, no, really by the end of the morning usually all those priorities had been mixed around and some even dropped off my radar. I started writing d.w.m. on my hand to remind me throughout the day - remind me of my roles and in which order they are SUPPOSED to be in.

"d" - first and foremost, I am a daughter of the Lord - purely by the grace of Him. My sole purpose is as written in the Westminster Catechism: "A man's (or woman's) chief end is to glorify God and enjoy him forever." How quickly I forget or more accurately ignore this truth but it is the truth. I was not created to do my thing, enjoy my life, pursue my desires and my glory. No, I was created for  HIS glory. And if we pursue that, we pursue Him and the things that He cares about, we will also enjoy him. Do YOU enjoy God? Do YOU enjoy your Creator? I don't, not like I should. Enjoy Him right now, this day. Get to know Him, glorify Him by following hard after Him, and you will enjoy Him.

"w" - April 22nd, 2006 I made many vows to a wonderful man, vows to not only marry him but love him, honor him, respect him, serve him, submit to him. I am his wife - a role that I sadly don't take seriously enough most days. I desire to be a wife of noble character as described in Proverbs 31. I desire to love this man with all my heart. But again, the order of d.w.m. is crucial. In Proverbs 31:30 it says "a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised." How did she do it? How did that woman have such a noble character? Probably because she knew and lived like she was first a daughter of the Lord, she feared her Creator, set him apart as Lord. She had "d.w.m." ingrained in her very being.

"m" - Most days, "d.w.m" feels like "diapers, wipes, and more" but I truly am blessed and thankful to be a mommy. What a humbling and extremely rewarding responsibility! The Lord has entrusted 2 wonderful little boys to me and I am daily learning, usually by mistakes, how to be a godly mommy - how to love them, lead them, teach them, and most importantly show Jesus to them.

In all honesty, most days, while d.w.m. may be written in that order on my hand, I find myself living m.w.d. Sometimes, the "d" was left back with my journal and bible. Sometimes, I've put the "w" away until 5:15 pm when my husband comes home. And the "m" has overtaken me. I forgot that I can't be a good "m" when I'm not clinging like velcro to the Lord. I forgot that being a good "w" is done in both the presence and absence of my husband.

So for anyone who may read this, look at your roles, the roles God has given you. Be honest about what order those roles have become in your life and decide to put them back in their rightful order. Write them on your hand like me if you find that helps. But, more importantly, write them on your heart and commit them and yourself to the Lord and His glory and....get ready to enjoy Him and what He has for you.

Borders, designs, and not enough time

Years ago I remember sharing with my mom that I just didn't get blogs. A) Why would someone spend what little free time they probably have reading about someone else's life? and B) Why would someone want to write about their life? Well, here I am, doing just that. Its not that I expect anyone to really read this - in fact, that's not why I decided to finally make a blog. I'm writing purely because in a way its therapeutic for me - it helps me take the jumbled mess of thoughts in my head and make some sense of it on paper (or screen). While I don't know who would want to read this jumbled mess, I pray that it may encourage those who do read, or at least bring a smile. I pray as in the book of Hebrews that my words would spur others on towards love and good deeds. I pray that what I write will be a sweet aroma to the Lord and that He will use it to both sift and refine that which is in me and if I may be so privileged, that He would use it to sift and refine others.

To be honest, I tried doing this blog thing months ago, but I didn't get my major in computer tech or graphic design so after an hour of searching online I was overwhelmed and gave up. This morning as my oldest is at preschool and my 5 month old slept away, I decided to once again take on this daunting cyber challenge of creating a blog. After about an hour of trying out different templates and headers, etc. I sensed the Lord asking me why again I was doing a blog? Isn't this really about His glory and not if I have some cute savvy-looking blog? And since when do I have an hour to surf the web? So, bear with me please as I learn the art of blogging while hopefully remembering that this is all for Him. 

Here we go!