Day 35-38

Thanks for your prayers friends! It has been a better couple days in my journey of working at self-discipline. Most mornings I did not get up early but I did choose to do my bible study during the boys' room time rather than clean or watch the Today show. I worked out all week but last night....no reason really. I didn't feel sick but I worked all day and didn't get home from my parents til after 8 pm. I prayed about not working out and felt okay about it. In a sense I got some exercise being on my feet most of the day. I definitely got some brain exercise :) Does that count?

Today I enjoyed Taz as we played together on the bed, laughed, read together. I enjoyed Pumpkin as we colored together this afternoon and tickled this morning. I enjoyed Miss O today as I gave her a bath, read her a bedtime story, had her nap on me this afternoon. Sweet moments that seem to be going by way too fast.

This morning, thanks to 2 of my friends, I was up by 7 am to pray for our children with them. At 6:58 am all I wanted to do was to sleep and find some excuse not to call in to pray. Well, not really but I did really want to sleep. It always amazes me though, how after only a few minutes up and in the Word or in prayer, I am so glad I got up and would rather be communing with the Lord than sleeping. Yet, 23 hours passes by and in that half-opened-eye groggy state, I choose to snooze and as a result I choose to lose....lose out on renewing my mind, being filled with joy and peace, strength and His energy. Oh how I pray that in 10 hours or so, even on a Saturday, I would remember truth and choose to open my eyes, get out of bed, and feast on the Word of God....the best breakfast I could have.

Thanks to my amazing mentor, I've been challenged to pick back up my pen and my gratitude journal and choose to be thankful. Today, I am thankful for friends who love me in spite of my sin, my junk, my flaws. I am thankful for friends who are there to speak truth, encourage, listen to me cry. I am thankful for friends who know what its like to be up for hours with difficult children.

Day 27-34

Well, I guess I failed again at getting on here more often. Over the last 8 days I would say that I should receive a C-. We all got a stomach bug and I didn't work out three of the last 8. I haven't been waking up at 7 am either...this morning I actually slept in til 8:30. Yikes. I have enjoyed my children though, though at times it was hard to be patient and loving with Taz...sickness is never good for him. It puts him down for the count at least a week as his appetite suffers and consequently his sugars suffer as well.

But I want to finish well, really well. There are two more days til my birthday, and 6 more days till my 40 days are up :) I definitely didn't think I would be saying that 34 days ago. Blame it on post-baby brain or the fact that I'm still getting up once a night.

For whoever reads this, will you please pray that I finish well? I can tend to do this, start off really strong and slowly fade. Pray that I would finish strong and well, not on my own strength but on Christ and his power and for his glory.

does anyone have a calendar or calculator?

So as I was at church today, I looked at the date on the manuscript, March 18th and realized my birthday is in 10 days.
What was that? Yes, 10 days. Not 15 days like I said yesterday when blogging. So then I went back and I am completely at a loss for why I messed up so royally at figuring that I had 40 days til I was 29 back on February 22nd. Maybe I didn't get much sleep the night before or maybe I counted a week twice. Nonetheless, I am WAY OFF!
Then I started thinking about what would I do? Do I stop at my birthday or at the 40 day mark? Well, I am not stopping til I hit 40 days. Because really, if I want to work on self-discipline, a few extra days of practicing won't hurt. So back to the count...

Day 26...
Beautiful weather, beautiful exercising walk with Miss O and some with the boys, beautiful moments of reading to Micah and watching the boys play outside, and just enjoying the beautiful creation. Thank You Jesus for such a beautiful love and grace.

Miss O happy to be chewing on her fingers! Check out those feet next to her :)

He may be puking and diarrhea but as long as he is outside, he is a happy boy!

Yes, our little gardener in nothing but Woody and Buzz Lightyear undies and sandals. Thank you God for little people like them who bring me smiles and remind me continually how much I have to be thankful for!

Day 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24 and 25....YIKES!

Yes, "Yikes!" is exactly what I said when I realized how long it had been since I blogged. It was a busy week. A good week, a beautiful week but a busy week nonetheless. I wish I could say getting up at 7 am every day is getting easier but its really not. Maybe on some level or on some days but others - not so much. One morning this week I was so tired that I came out, sat on my chair, light on and bible in hand. I mustered up all the energy I had and prayed a few sleepy words to the Lord. I tried to focus, I tried to keep my eyelids from constantly drooping but it was hard. I finally "asked" the Lord if it was okay to go back to bed....and I definitely didn't feel a "no". I welcomed the extra 20 minutes of sleep before Pumpkin came to wake me up.

I started Beth Moore's James study and am loving the structure to what was becoming very loose and often distracting times with the Lord each morning. I appreciate Beth Moore's passion and love for the Word of God and I look forward to learning more about James as a person, Jesus as my savior, and the book in general.

Exercising...well, I asked Kyle after my last post, how many more exercises I needed to do to fulfill my goal of 29 days of exercising. It turns out that I had the exact amount left as the number of days left of 40. Ooops! So, I resolved that I was not going to quit but instead push forward and still try and accomplish my goal of 29 days of exercising. Its been hard this week, like four nights ago when it was 10:30 and I would have rather been in bed than on my bedroom floor doing an ab workout. Or, like tonight when I wanted to run for only 5 minutes and pushed it for another 10. Not much but after a long day of running it was all I could do.

I've so much enjoyed Taz this week. I feel like he is finally back to how he was before getting the ongoing ear infection that led to his diagnosis of Type 1 diabetes. I feel like I finally have my goofy sweet little boy back. Thank you Jesus. What a blessing. I've really enjoyed Pumpkin too. I still can't believe he is almost 4. Today, just him and I ran errands and we had so much fun. Holding hands, having conversations, laughing and joking around. And, finally, Miss O...she has been so sweet. Giggling, wearing summer pinks, putting on her first pair of shorts ever, going on a run with her tonight. Thank you God for all of them. And, most of all, for Mr. B...who watched all three this morning, including Taz who was again throwing up, so I could get my nails done with a friend. What a wonderful servant husband!

Hopefully I can chronicle a little bit better this week. 15 days left!

Day 18 of 40

Almost half way there...only two more days! Today was a great day...in part I think because yesterday was such a blessing. I wasn't recuperating today or making up for the destruction I could have left yesterday...no, I enjoyed today, the beautiful weather, quiet moments, smiles from Pumpkin, laughter from Taz, and cheek to cheek with Miss O.
Thanks to Mr. B I got to go to Panera this morning and sit by the fire, sip some coffee, and renew my mind...just me, just myself, just this person who is first a daughter of the Lord. Sure I'm a wife, and sure, I'm a mom. But at the core, I am HIS! It felt good to remind myself of that and to just sit with Him.
I had some time to shop at the mall and later do some knitting. My friend and I went for a jog this evening.

I enjoyed the Lord, my children. I didn't thank Him though as much as I want though. I'm realizing too that God isn't put out by my requests for various things. He wants me to come to Him with my requests, with boldness, faith, and trust. He wants me to trust that He loves me and has my best in mind.

He is truly good, isn't he?

Day 17 of 40

Thank you Jesus. Thank you to whoever prayed for me. Today was not a "fried" Friday. Today was a good Friday. Not that it felt like a Monday necessarily but still, it was a good day. I was able to quiet myself this morning, once my mind actually woke up, and spend some time praising the Lord and asking Him to help me let go of self, of expectations and just cling to him. Fridays are usually chore day but as I planned out our day in my planner I felt the Lord say to just "let go" of the plan. So, it got a big "X" thru it...

I can't figure out how to turn the pic but there is that nice big "X"...not x as in I accomplished it but "X" as in not on the to-do list today. It was hard though - hard to let go of my expectations, my desires to clean the house, to stick with our Friday habits. But I really sensed the Lord wanted me to just enjoy the kids and rest. I mean, really, is the house going to come crashing down if the carpets aren't vacuumed this week? Are we all going to get sick because I didn't dust today? We all know the answers.

As I sat at our table I saw this beautiful flower Mr. B brought home to me and it reminded me to try and see the beauty of this flower in everything else I come across today. Isn't it beautiful? 

And so, we enjoyed each other. We had to run an errand but I still enjoyed them and enjoyed the Lord. We didn't do any creative or fun educational activities but the Lord helped me practice self-control and self-discipline in some key areas of being a mom and for that I'm thankful. Its more important to be a good example of self-control to my almost 4 yr old when he is out of control rather than plan some crafty homeschool-type project for us all to do. 

All three, yes, I said all three kids napped at the same time for an hour and forty five minutes! That meant I got to lay down and read some of 1 Corinthians and even take a short 20 minute nap. It was divine. Yes, divine. It was total rest for my soul and I needed it. 

Thanks to my wonderful hubs, we both worked our abs tonight. Now off to enjoy each other's company.

Day 14, 15 and 16

Short and sweet is what this will be...partly due to lack of time and partly due to lack of memory. The last three days have been on the harder side - harder to wake up, harder to control my anger, harder to just stop, trust the Lord, enjoy my children, etc. etc. They haven't been the best days. There have been sweet moments though. There have been times when I enjoyed them, but not like I want to, not like I should. This evening I worked out but in all honesty, what good is a body in shape when my mind and heart is not in shape at all? Whoever reads this, I covet your prayers for tomorrow. Tomorrow is a "fried Friday"....I'm fried by the time Fridays come. But I want to finish the week out strong, for His glory.

Tomorrow...
I want to commune with Him all day.
I want to enjoy my children.
I want to die to self, to my structure, to my expectations.
I want to choose to be thankful, choose to enjoy, choose to rest, choose to love.

Here's to a new day and the Lord's fresh grace and mercy for each new day!

Day 13 of 40

A Monday of mercy....that is what today was. I felt the Lord's mercy continue to wash over me through the day. I felt him reminding me how much he loved me, how much I needed him, how much I needed to STOP striving and straining. I needed to stop expecting a "perfect" day, stop expecting or striving to be super mom, to have angelic children, to have perfectly structured time with no interruptions. Its so easy to pile on expectations only to fall hard in ungratefulness, anger, and bitterness. Its a hard choice for me -to just live each moment without expectations, to live each moment and accept it as a gift handed down from a loving and kind Father.

Pumpkin was up by 6:30 (in other words, WAY before I was even thinking of opening my eyes). Taz was up by 7:15. But, thanks to the movie Punchinello and his green nose, I was able to have a somewhat "quiet" time with the Lord. Sometimes it doesn't look the way I want it to (again, nix the expectations) but I can either cling to self the rest of the day which never goes well or I can cling to Jesus and His truth. As I chose my verse to hold on to throughout the day, I looked for a verse on self-control and the Lord reminded me of this one in 1 Peter 4:7, "The end of all things is at hand; therefore be self-controlled and sober-minded for the sake of your prayers." Did you see the end of that verse? Because I think its pretty easy to just get stuck on the command be self-controlled and sober-minded. "For the sake of your prayers" - is it possible that my flippant anger and my fly-by-my-emotions way of living could hinder my prayers!??! I don't know but it sounds like that is kinda what this verse may be implying. It helped remind me today that self-control is not just a nice virtue to have...its a command from the almighty God and it can have more effects that I will ever know or see!

I very much enjoyed my children today. Thank you Jesus for helping me to. We had a book party on my bed, a painting session before that, and I was able to do a workout during morning room-time. I heard some terrible news again today...a little boy who would have turned 4 in 2 weeks (Pumpkin turns 4 in 3 weeks) was found dead in his bed by his parents yesterday morning. I hear and feel my own heart cracking, feeling that mother's anguish, heartache, ripping of her own self. I can hardly think on it for too long because I feel myself coming undone, giving way to fear for my own children. Instead, I choose to thank Jesus that I had another precious day with a sweet boy Pumpkin, an adorable Taz, and a gentle Miss O. Oh that I would see them through His eyes every day.

I pray that whoever reads this, that you will thank the Lord for your loved ones. Not just a cursory "thanks" thrown up to heaven but a deep, heart-felt, "thank You Father for stooping down from Heaven and handing me, your child, this person as a gift."

day 10, 11 and 12 (in a nutshell!)

Recapping the weekend (and this will be short as I so much want to cuddle up with my hubs and finish watching Walk the Line)...

Friday - a very hard day. Whose fault? My own! Did I cling to truth, choose to be thankful, exercise self-control of my anger and frustration? Nope. Looking back, I am so thankful for that day because you know what? We all survived that day, we didn't have a tornado rip through our home or rip one of my children out of my own hands. No. I have so many reasons to be thankful and yet I whined the whole day. I did start that morning off well thanks to a dear friend of mine who sent me some tea for a morning such as that.

There wasn't much focusing on my part but the tea sure was good! The day ended well with me and the boys playing "nest" which consisted of piling up all the pillows and blankets in my bedroom and then jumping on them and acting like birds on a nest. :) Yes, only the creativity and imagination of little kids can come up with that. 

Saturday - 180 degree difference from Friday! Mr. B let me get out in the morning and I was by myself for 2 and a half hours! A date with the Lord at Panera and then some grocery shopping. We enjoyed a nice fire in the evening, a trip to the library as a family, a nap for everyone and fun cooking with Mr. B. Here are some pics from our fun family day! Oh yeah, and I actually worked out! I didn't want to at all, I was already in my pajamas...but then I thought of how I need to get in 29 days of 40 so I asked the Lord for some self-discipline and turbo jammed it up!

Sunday (today) - up at 7 but my brain took another 2 hours to wake up. We finally were able to go to church as a family. Did I work out? Not today. Did I enjoy my children and spend good quality time with them? Not very much. Mr. B did. He had a reading party with them in Pumpkin's closet while I sat by the fire and read and soaked up the quiet. I think though that that is what I needed...so that tomorrow I can be a better mommy. Well, by the Lord's grace, we'll see how tomorrow goes!

Day 9 of 40

Hard to believe I'm almost to double digits in this journey...

This morning Pumpkin was up and in my bed at 5:45 and Miss O was up three times last night. It makes me smile looking at a night/morning like that and seeing how the Lord still beautifully met me today and encouraged me. Surprisingly I still had some quiet moments in the Word and during naptime all three slept at the same time, the sun was shining through the windows, and I got to read a very encouraging chapter from One Thousand Gifts by Ann Voskamp as well as read the whole Real Simple magazine from February.
Taz and I had some good time watching a cartoon this morning but it was hard to pull myself away from task-mode. It is especially hard to do this when Pumpkin is at preschool because I feel like I can do more with only two smaller children to look after...yet Taz needs my love and attention just as much. I know it too...he comes up to me, arms raised for me to pick him up and points over to the couch. I see in those eyes his request for his mommy to come hold him while he watches Elmo. Its incredibly sweet if I stop to savor it...otherwise I just miss it because I'm too focused on being productive.

Tomorrow is a new day, His mercies are new, and I pray that I will focus on each child, love them, and show them Jesus in whatever way that may look.