Recapping the end and the journey

I meant for this post to happen on day 40, or at least within a few days...BUT, as usual, life happened and my discipline to get on and blog has been lacking. Maybe I should have worked on that during my journey of growing in self-discipline!
I did finish, and lets see how I did...
29 verses...I'm pretty sure I accomplished this one. But now, weeks after the end, I realize I have almost forgotten a good handful of them. I need to start working on them again.
29 days of exercise...I ended up getting 27 done...due to not feeling well at the end. How about since? Not so great. And its made me realize what a big impact it had even on my stress level and general feeling of well-being (health-wise).
40 days of waking up early...this one was not so good...but I probably did have close to 40 days of spending time with the Lord; it was usually just during the boys' room time rather than first thing. I hope to get better at this with time...and as Miss O hopefully starts sleeping thru the night someday.
40 days of enjoying my children...I definitely didn't do this all 40 days but I think the process in general helped me to let go more of being so task-oriented around the house and more family-oriented. It helped me see the need for more creative activities from time to time, BUT also seeing that my children just want ME, without the fingerpaint, crafts, and learning games. I'm trying to find that balance, checking my motives constantly, and still trying to discern when its okay to do the dishes, when its okay to just play on the floor with my kids, etc. etc.
I'm thankful that James reminds us in his first chapter, that God gives wisdom GENEROUSLY to ALL who ask. May I ask with confidence, trust, and an expectant heart!

Thank you for your prayers for me during this journey, your encouragement and you accountability.

Day 35-38

Thanks for your prayers friends! It has been a better couple days in my journey of working at self-discipline. Most mornings I did not get up early but I did choose to do my bible study during the boys' room time rather than clean or watch the Today show. I worked out all week but last night....no reason really. I didn't feel sick but I worked all day and didn't get home from my parents til after 8 pm. I prayed about not working out and felt okay about it. In a sense I got some exercise being on my feet most of the day. I definitely got some brain exercise :) Does that count?

Today I enjoyed Taz as we played together on the bed, laughed, read together. I enjoyed Pumpkin as we colored together this afternoon and tickled this morning. I enjoyed Miss O today as I gave her a bath, read her a bedtime story, had her nap on me this afternoon. Sweet moments that seem to be going by way too fast.

This morning, thanks to 2 of my friends, I was up by 7 am to pray for our children with them. At 6:58 am all I wanted to do was to sleep and find some excuse not to call in to pray. Well, not really but I did really want to sleep. It always amazes me though, how after only a few minutes up and in the Word or in prayer, I am so glad I got up and would rather be communing with the Lord than sleeping. Yet, 23 hours passes by and in that half-opened-eye groggy state, I choose to snooze and as a result I choose to lose....lose out on renewing my mind, being filled with joy and peace, strength and His energy. Oh how I pray that in 10 hours or so, even on a Saturday, I would remember truth and choose to open my eyes, get out of bed, and feast on the Word of God....the best breakfast I could have.

Thanks to my amazing mentor, I've been challenged to pick back up my pen and my gratitude journal and choose to be thankful. Today, I am thankful for friends who love me in spite of my sin, my junk, my flaws. I am thankful for friends who are there to speak truth, encourage, listen to me cry. I am thankful for friends who know what its like to be up for hours with difficult children.

Day 27-34

Well, I guess I failed again at getting on here more often. Over the last 8 days I would say that I should receive a C-. We all got a stomach bug and I didn't work out three of the last 8. I haven't been waking up at 7 am either...this morning I actually slept in til 8:30. Yikes. I have enjoyed my children though, though at times it was hard to be patient and loving with Taz...sickness is never good for him. It puts him down for the count at least a week as his appetite suffers and consequently his sugars suffer as well.

But I want to finish well, really well. There are two more days til my birthday, and 6 more days till my 40 days are up :) I definitely didn't think I would be saying that 34 days ago. Blame it on post-baby brain or the fact that I'm still getting up once a night.

For whoever reads this, will you please pray that I finish well? I can tend to do this, start off really strong and slowly fade. Pray that I would finish strong and well, not on my own strength but on Christ and his power and for his glory.

does anyone have a calendar or calculator?

So as I was at church today, I looked at the date on the manuscript, March 18th and realized my birthday is in 10 days.
What was that? Yes, 10 days. Not 15 days like I said yesterday when blogging. So then I went back and I am completely at a loss for why I messed up so royally at figuring that I had 40 days til I was 29 back on February 22nd. Maybe I didn't get much sleep the night before or maybe I counted a week twice. Nonetheless, I am WAY OFF!
Then I started thinking about what would I do? Do I stop at my birthday or at the 40 day mark? Well, I am not stopping til I hit 40 days. Because really, if I want to work on self-discipline, a few extra days of practicing won't hurt. So back to the count...

Day 26...
Beautiful weather, beautiful exercising walk with Miss O and some with the boys, beautiful moments of reading to Micah and watching the boys play outside, and just enjoying the beautiful creation. Thank You Jesus for such a beautiful love and grace.

Miss O happy to be chewing on her fingers! Check out those feet next to her :)

He may be puking and diarrhea but as long as he is outside, he is a happy boy!

Yes, our little gardener in nothing but Woody and Buzz Lightyear undies and sandals. Thank you God for little people like them who bring me smiles and remind me continually how much I have to be thankful for!

Day 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24 and 25....YIKES!

Yes, "Yikes!" is exactly what I said when I realized how long it had been since I blogged. It was a busy week. A good week, a beautiful week but a busy week nonetheless. I wish I could say getting up at 7 am every day is getting easier but its really not. Maybe on some level or on some days but others - not so much. One morning this week I was so tired that I came out, sat on my chair, light on and bible in hand. I mustered up all the energy I had and prayed a few sleepy words to the Lord. I tried to focus, I tried to keep my eyelids from constantly drooping but it was hard. I finally "asked" the Lord if it was okay to go back to bed....and I definitely didn't feel a "no". I welcomed the extra 20 minutes of sleep before Pumpkin came to wake me up.

I started Beth Moore's James study and am loving the structure to what was becoming very loose and often distracting times with the Lord each morning. I appreciate Beth Moore's passion and love for the Word of God and I look forward to learning more about James as a person, Jesus as my savior, and the book in general.

Exercising...well, I asked Kyle after my last post, how many more exercises I needed to do to fulfill my goal of 29 days of exercising. It turns out that I had the exact amount left as the number of days left of 40. Ooops! So, I resolved that I was not going to quit but instead push forward and still try and accomplish my goal of 29 days of exercising. Its been hard this week, like four nights ago when it was 10:30 and I would have rather been in bed than on my bedroom floor doing an ab workout. Or, like tonight when I wanted to run for only 5 minutes and pushed it for another 10. Not much but after a long day of running it was all I could do.

I've so much enjoyed Taz this week. I feel like he is finally back to how he was before getting the ongoing ear infection that led to his diagnosis of Type 1 diabetes. I feel like I finally have my goofy sweet little boy back. Thank you Jesus. What a blessing. I've really enjoyed Pumpkin too. I still can't believe he is almost 4. Today, just him and I ran errands and we had so much fun. Holding hands, having conversations, laughing and joking around. And, finally, Miss O...she has been so sweet. Giggling, wearing summer pinks, putting on her first pair of shorts ever, going on a run with her tonight. Thank you God for all of them. And, most of all, for Mr. B...who watched all three this morning, including Taz who was again throwing up, so I could get my nails done with a friend. What a wonderful servant husband!

Hopefully I can chronicle a little bit better this week. 15 days left!

Day 18 of 40

Almost half way there...only two more days! Today was a great day...in part I think because yesterday was such a blessing. I wasn't recuperating today or making up for the destruction I could have left yesterday...no, I enjoyed today, the beautiful weather, quiet moments, smiles from Pumpkin, laughter from Taz, and cheek to cheek with Miss O.
Thanks to Mr. B I got to go to Panera this morning and sit by the fire, sip some coffee, and renew my mind...just me, just myself, just this person who is first a daughter of the Lord. Sure I'm a wife, and sure, I'm a mom. But at the core, I am HIS! It felt good to remind myself of that and to just sit with Him.
I had some time to shop at the mall and later do some knitting. My friend and I went for a jog this evening.

I enjoyed the Lord, my children. I didn't thank Him though as much as I want though. I'm realizing too that God isn't put out by my requests for various things. He wants me to come to Him with my requests, with boldness, faith, and trust. He wants me to trust that He loves me and has my best in mind.

He is truly good, isn't he?

Day 17 of 40

Thank you Jesus. Thank you to whoever prayed for me. Today was not a "fried" Friday. Today was a good Friday. Not that it felt like a Monday necessarily but still, it was a good day. I was able to quiet myself this morning, once my mind actually woke up, and spend some time praising the Lord and asking Him to help me let go of self, of expectations and just cling to him. Fridays are usually chore day but as I planned out our day in my planner I felt the Lord say to just "let go" of the plan. So, it got a big "X" thru it...

I can't figure out how to turn the pic but there is that nice big "X"...not x as in I accomplished it but "X" as in not on the to-do list today. It was hard though - hard to let go of my expectations, my desires to clean the house, to stick with our Friday habits. But I really sensed the Lord wanted me to just enjoy the kids and rest. I mean, really, is the house going to come crashing down if the carpets aren't vacuumed this week? Are we all going to get sick because I didn't dust today? We all know the answers.

As I sat at our table I saw this beautiful flower Mr. B brought home to me and it reminded me to try and see the beauty of this flower in everything else I come across today. Isn't it beautiful? 

And so, we enjoyed each other. We had to run an errand but I still enjoyed them and enjoyed the Lord. We didn't do any creative or fun educational activities but the Lord helped me practice self-control and self-discipline in some key areas of being a mom and for that I'm thankful. Its more important to be a good example of self-control to my almost 4 yr old when he is out of control rather than plan some crafty homeschool-type project for us all to do. 

All three, yes, I said all three kids napped at the same time for an hour and forty five minutes! That meant I got to lay down and read some of 1 Corinthians and even take a short 20 minute nap. It was divine. Yes, divine. It was total rest for my soul and I needed it. 

Thanks to my wonderful hubs, we both worked our abs tonight. Now off to enjoy each other's company.

Day 14, 15 and 16

Short and sweet is what this will be...partly due to lack of time and partly due to lack of memory. The last three days have been on the harder side - harder to wake up, harder to control my anger, harder to just stop, trust the Lord, enjoy my children, etc. etc. They haven't been the best days. There have been sweet moments though. There have been times when I enjoyed them, but not like I want to, not like I should. This evening I worked out but in all honesty, what good is a body in shape when my mind and heart is not in shape at all? Whoever reads this, I covet your prayers for tomorrow. Tomorrow is a "fried Friday"....I'm fried by the time Fridays come. But I want to finish the week out strong, for His glory.

Tomorrow...
I want to commune with Him all day.
I want to enjoy my children.
I want to die to self, to my structure, to my expectations.
I want to choose to be thankful, choose to enjoy, choose to rest, choose to love.

Here's to a new day and the Lord's fresh grace and mercy for each new day!

Day 13 of 40

A Monday of mercy....that is what today was. I felt the Lord's mercy continue to wash over me through the day. I felt him reminding me how much he loved me, how much I needed him, how much I needed to STOP striving and straining. I needed to stop expecting a "perfect" day, stop expecting or striving to be super mom, to have angelic children, to have perfectly structured time with no interruptions. Its so easy to pile on expectations only to fall hard in ungratefulness, anger, and bitterness. Its a hard choice for me -to just live each moment without expectations, to live each moment and accept it as a gift handed down from a loving and kind Father.

Pumpkin was up by 6:30 (in other words, WAY before I was even thinking of opening my eyes). Taz was up by 7:15. But, thanks to the movie Punchinello and his green nose, I was able to have a somewhat "quiet" time with the Lord. Sometimes it doesn't look the way I want it to (again, nix the expectations) but I can either cling to self the rest of the day which never goes well or I can cling to Jesus and His truth. As I chose my verse to hold on to throughout the day, I looked for a verse on self-control and the Lord reminded me of this one in 1 Peter 4:7, "The end of all things is at hand; therefore be self-controlled and sober-minded for the sake of your prayers." Did you see the end of that verse? Because I think its pretty easy to just get stuck on the command be self-controlled and sober-minded. "For the sake of your prayers" - is it possible that my flippant anger and my fly-by-my-emotions way of living could hinder my prayers!??! I don't know but it sounds like that is kinda what this verse may be implying. It helped remind me today that self-control is not just a nice virtue to have...its a command from the almighty God and it can have more effects that I will ever know or see!

I very much enjoyed my children today. Thank you Jesus for helping me to. We had a book party on my bed, a painting session before that, and I was able to do a workout during morning room-time. I heard some terrible news again today...a little boy who would have turned 4 in 2 weeks (Pumpkin turns 4 in 3 weeks) was found dead in his bed by his parents yesterday morning. I hear and feel my own heart cracking, feeling that mother's anguish, heartache, ripping of her own self. I can hardly think on it for too long because I feel myself coming undone, giving way to fear for my own children. Instead, I choose to thank Jesus that I had another precious day with a sweet boy Pumpkin, an adorable Taz, and a gentle Miss O. Oh that I would see them through His eyes every day.

I pray that whoever reads this, that you will thank the Lord for your loved ones. Not just a cursory "thanks" thrown up to heaven but a deep, heart-felt, "thank You Father for stooping down from Heaven and handing me, your child, this person as a gift."

day 10, 11 and 12 (in a nutshell!)

Recapping the weekend (and this will be short as I so much want to cuddle up with my hubs and finish watching Walk the Line)...

Friday - a very hard day. Whose fault? My own! Did I cling to truth, choose to be thankful, exercise self-control of my anger and frustration? Nope. Looking back, I am so thankful for that day because you know what? We all survived that day, we didn't have a tornado rip through our home or rip one of my children out of my own hands. No. I have so many reasons to be thankful and yet I whined the whole day. I did start that morning off well thanks to a dear friend of mine who sent me some tea for a morning such as that.

There wasn't much focusing on my part but the tea sure was good! The day ended well with me and the boys playing "nest" which consisted of piling up all the pillows and blankets in my bedroom and then jumping on them and acting like birds on a nest. :) Yes, only the creativity and imagination of little kids can come up with that. 

Saturday - 180 degree difference from Friday! Mr. B let me get out in the morning and I was by myself for 2 and a half hours! A date with the Lord at Panera and then some grocery shopping. We enjoyed a nice fire in the evening, a trip to the library as a family, a nap for everyone and fun cooking with Mr. B. Here are some pics from our fun family day! Oh yeah, and I actually worked out! I didn't want to at all, I was already in my pajamas...but then I thought of how I need to get in 29 days of 40 so I asked the Lord for some self-discipline and turbo jammed it up!

Sunday (today) - up at 7 but my brain took another 2 hours to wake up. We finally were able to go to church as a family. Did I work out? Not today. Did I enjoy my children and spend good quality time with them? Not very much. Mr. B did. He had a reading party with them in Pumpkin's closet while I sat by the fire and read and soaked up the quiet. I think though that that is what I needed...so that tomorrow I can be a better mommy. Well, by the Lord's grace, we'll see how tomorrow goes!

Day 9 of 40

Hard to believe I'm almost to double digits in this journey...

This morning Pumpkin was up and in my bed at 5:45 and Miss O was up three times last night. It makes me smile looking at a night/morning like that and seeing how the Lord still beautifully met me today and encouraged me. Surprisingly I still had some quiet moments in the Word and during naptime all three slept at the same time, the sun was shining through the windows, and I got to read a very encouraging chapter from One Thousand Gifts by Ann Voskamp as well as read the whole Real Simple magazine from February.
Taz and I had some good time watching a cartoon this morning but it was hard to pull myself away from task-mode. It is especially hard to do this when Pumpkin is at preschool because I feel like I can do more with only two smaller children to look after...yet Taz needs my love and attention just as much. I know it too...he comes up to me, arms raised for me to pick him up and points over to the couch. I see in those eyes his request for his mommy to come hold him while he watches Elmo. Its incredibly sweet if I stop to savor it...otherwise I just miss it because I'm too focused on being productive.

Tomorrow is a new day, His mercies are new, and I pray that I will focus on each child, love them, and show them Jesus in whatever way that may look.

Woops - I guess the real day 6 and 8 out of 40

So I'm not really sure what happened...I just realized tonight that I forgot to blog Monday which should have been day 6, which meant yesterday was day 7 and today is day 8! Oh well...day 6, the real day 6, Monday, went well. These days with three kiddos to take care of I have a hard time remembering what I ate for breakfast let alone what I did two days ago but I'm pretty sure it was a success. I did have some time with the Lord, no exercise, and we had fun doing something :)...I just can't seem to remember what that something was. Oh yeah! Nothing like pictures to remind you of what you did. 

We painted bread and then chowed down...don't worry, not real paint, just colored milk. We also made a prayer pail. Pumpkin wanted to play with the sticks at first but once I gave him a bunch of his own blank sticks, he was good. We've used the prayer pail the last two nights of family devo's and its been a fun way for Noah to pray for people. 

So that was day 6...AGAIN! And this is Day 8....

Not sure why Pumpkin again was up before 7 am but he was. However, I was still able to get in a shower and a few quiet moments with Jesus. The fact that the windows were opened in February helped me to thank Him all day for sunshine, fresh air, screen doors being used, playground fun. The boys and I had some good reading time on the couch before lunch and some playtime outside before dinner.
Thanks to my awesome mentor, I also got in a day of exercise (WOOHOO!)...which means 3 down out of 29 days of exercising. We worked it hard for 45 minutes of power walking...walking and talking which makes the workout even better. Thank you friend!

I pray that tomorrow, whatever the day may look like, that I would continue to grow in self-discipline and self-control...especially in controlling my temper, my anger and instead, clinging to Proverbs 15:1..."a soft answer turns away wrath but a harsh word stirs up anger."

Off to watch Leap Year on Leap Day!

Day 6 of 40

Have you ever noticed that when you commit to doing something it seems like extra things come up, the uncommon becomes more common, and you feel like someone is specifically trying to stop your efforts? In my case, the enemy probably is that someone, trying to stop efforts of fruit production for the Lord's kingdom. Miss O was up twice last night and Pumpkin climbed into bed with me before my alarm even went off. Yikes. Thankfully, Pumpkin fell back asleep and I slept a few minutes past my alarm. I did have a few sweet quiet minutes in my brown chair before all were up and ready to go. A few minutes but certainly not enough. No, my mind really wasn't renewed. I wasn't surrendered and ready to cling to the Lord all day. Its almost as if when I wake up in the morning I am covered with yucky sinful goop (yes, goop...in other words, myself and selfishness). If I don't purpose to have the Lord scrub that off each morning, I'm dragged down by it all day and sinful choices and actions result.

I did enjoy my children though more today. Thanks to a freezer meal, the last hour of the day before Mr. B got home (my least favorite hour), I was able to just play in Pumpkin's room with him and Taz. We spent some time outside this evening as well. How refreshing to just inhale the cool breeze!

6 days down, 34 to go!

Day 5 of 40

Its crazy to me that its already day 5! Day 5 of choosing self-discipline, choosing to do what's sometimes hard, not fun, not my first choice. Like this morning when I wanted to sleep in. I wanted to sleep in since Pumpkin was sick again through the night and we were up with him. But my own words came ringing through  my head...that I would get up and renew my mind with the Lord regardless of how my night of sleep went. I was extra thankful for my extra Panera coffee I had leftover from yesterday's breakfast date.

The weather was beautiful today which helped pull me outside for a run while everyone else was napping. Hard, but good. Good for my body and even better for my mind.

I didn't do a great job enjoying my children today...mainly due to my excessive attention toward planning Pumpkin's birthday. Tomorrow is a new day though. A new day to choose to enjoy them, love on them, play with them, laugh with them and just let them be who God made them to be.

By the Lord's gentle, yet firm, reminders, may I see them through His eyes, see their strengths, their gifts...to remember that they are their own person and they have been entrusted to me. I pray that tomorrow I will choose to be thankful, to love, and to live out the beautiful gospel and Word of Jesus.

Day 4 of 40

Yep, I was right - waking up at 7 am on a Saturday morning is NOT easy! Thankfully though the Lord woke me up a few minutes after as I realized my alarm on my phone was on silent. Oops! It was a nice quiet morning - that is for about 40 minutes. But I'll take it! One of my favorite things right now about waking up early is sitting in my recliner chair which is right next to the window and having the light from outside pour in over me. Its back to that time of year where I don't have to have a lamp on because its too dark inside. Nope, spring is around the corner and brighter mornings is just what I need to keep me awake.

There was no exercising today but I certainly enjoyed my family as my husband surprised me with a morning date....

We enjoyed each other's company as we shared a cup of some of our favorite Panera coffee. We were able to have this kid-free date thanks to an amazing godly couple who has been asking to babysit - can't turn that down folks! We came back to pick them up and found Pumpkin, of course, dressed up.

If you can't tell, he was in his element! All three kiddos did great for them which we were grateful to hear. The rest of the day held naps for all, an errand run for just Pumpkin and myself, a haircut for Pumpkin by daddy, and just laughing together.

Taz isn't feeling well and when I started to fear about his health, one of the verses I'm memorizing in this 40 day journey, came to mind and boy, did I cling to it..."When I am afraid, I put my trust in you. In God, whose word I praise, in God I trust. I shall not be afraid. What can flesh do to me?" Psalm 56:3-4. Another reminder that God's word is sharper than any double-edged sword...discerning the thoughts and intentions of the heart (Hebrews 4:12)...in my case, cutting away feelings that cover lies that steal my joy.

Our favorite line of the day was my Pumpkin..."Hey Mommy, this is where the police man came when you were going faster. We have rules about that!" Nothing slips past that boy.

Day 3 of 40

It was a bit harder this morning to pull myself up off the mattress but I finally did it. Its funny how in the moment, a five or ten minute snooze seems so necessary and yet, once I'm out of bed, I realize how insignificant that 5 or 10 minutes of sleep would be compared to 5 or 10 minutes in the living Word of God. I'm seeing that Pumpkin has an internal alarm clock set to 7:30 so I better be up and out by 7 if I want my quiet time. During Miss O's breakfast, I was able to pray for my children and my friends. Right now, two of my girlfriends and I are dedicating Friday mornings to pray for our children. 

Today's prayer for our kids: Godly friends and spouses someday

I'm thankful its all in the Lord's hand but how I pray that my children will guard their hearts, will have friendships with others who will encourage them and challenge them to be better people and followers of Christ, and to perhaps someday have Godly husbands or wives. 

Fridays are "chore day" so Noah picked up his room and helped me dust.

The boys had fun playing with their new water table...

I was so easily pulled to do other things, clean, laundry, tidy, etc. but I made sure to sit there for 10 minutes while we played pirates and shark chase. I had to let go of the water on the floor that of course was going outside of the towels laid down. I prayed that at the end of 40 days, I won't have to force myself to stop and play for 10 minutes but that instead, I would look forward to those moments without feeling pulled to other much less important things.

As my 40 days are quickly elapsing, so are my 29 days of exercise....which was enough motivation for me on this Friday night.

Oh yeah, Chalene and Turbo Jam! I definitely didn't finish the 45 minute workout but 20 minutes was good enough! 

Off to spend time with Mr. B...one of my favorite times of the day. Pray that tomorrow I'll have the self-discipline provided by the Lord to get myself out of bed early on a SATURDAY morning!

Day 2 of 40...in more detail

After 2 or 3 hours the immense burning pain at the tip of my right index finger finally subsided....leaving behind a nice white blister that still hurts every time I type those blasted middle-of-the-keyboard letters. Nevertheless, my 40 day journey continues. Yesterday, as I said yesterday, was a good day. I had a whole 30 minutes of quiet time, time in the Word, praying and journaling and it was wonderful. My days, at least the first half of the day, goes so much smoother when I've renewed my mind and surrendered myself to Jesus.

Pumpkin had preschool, but afterwards and after naps, came the sweetest part of my day. You can see why below.

If you look closely you'll see that I'm sitting with all three of them. At one point, Pumpkin had his arm wrapped around mine, Miss O was in my lap, and Taz and I were holding hands. I thanked God for such a blessing, for three sweet children, and for the privilege it is to be their mother.

Taz wanted me to keep reading this book we got from the library the night before. Cute book!
Miss O and I read a few books before bed...a habit I'm absolutely cherishing!
Mr. B and the boys spent an hour or so putting together Taz's Christmas gift from the grandparents while I worked on a matchcar toy track for the boys...and that's where the burnt finger comes in. Hot glue gun and I never seem to leave each other unscarred...but I guess its better than getting the sewing machine out.

I'll post later pics of the track.

Thank you Lord for one more day! 38 days left!

Day 2 of 40

Well, today was a good day.  Unfortunately though, I'll have to expound on its results tomorrow... assuming my right index finger heals from the hot glue gun burn I got while putting together a toy track for the kids.  There's major burnination right now.  Have a good night!

Day 1 of 40

So day one went well...

The boys did an awesome "room time" for almost an hour which meant I was able to sit with the Lord, pray, journal and soak in His word.

We made a cupcake kit and Noah enjoyed decorating his cupcake...

Micah had fun pushing poms into the cup...

Noah, Olivia and I read books this afternoon.
During Miss O's afternoon snack I was able to read, drink some tea and work on memorizing some verses.

Overall, good day one! Thank you Lord!

29 in 40

I have exactly 40 days until I'm 29 years old. What's significant about 40 days or 29 yrs old? Nothing really - only that it helps me have some rough plan or framework or goal. So what am I doing with these next 40 days? By the Lord's grace and strength, and hopefully, all for his glory its my 40 days of self-discipline. It's a theme I've felt pressed upon me by the gentle yet firm hand of the Lord for the last 8 weeks or so. I so much want to instill that virtue in my children -self-discipline, self-control. Yet, how can I teach them that if my own life does not embrace that and exemplify that trait? And I know that the Lord designed each one of us to be self-controlled and self-disciplined because he tells us that in 2 Timothy 1:7. It just takes our part too as we train in that. Well, they say it takes 30 days or something like that to make a certain thing a habit. Well, I'll be generous and give myself 40 days. Maybe it won't necessarily be a habit but I pray that the Lord would use these next 40 days to train me in being more self-disciplined. I plan to use this blog to chronicle the next 40 days and share whatever it is that day that I am doing on this journey of self-discipline. As I am praying through this some goals come to mind...

• 40 days of being in the Word first thing in the morning....yes, that may mean getting up at 7 am or earlier and yes, that may mean even getting up when I've been up all night with sick kids (side note: I know at times we just need to give ourselves grace and sometimes the most godly thing we can do is get some sleep. But, for me at least, in this season, I tend to err more on the side of sleeping when I really just need to renew my mind and chew on the Word of God first thing in the morning. Plus, I'm only doing this for 40 days. After that, sure, there may be mornings where I choose to sleep in)
• 40 days of being more intentional in my children's lives...reading to them, fun and new activities, devos, sharing scripture with them
• 29 days of exercising - well I have to be honest with myself. 40 days of exercising would just NOT happen and would also not be the best for my body....so its 29 since I'm turning 29 in 40 days. 
• 29 memorized verses...again, 40 verses in 40 days? I could do it, sure. But I don't want to miss the point or check a box when learning the precious words of God. I want to savor that sweet honey he has freely given us through His word. 

So, whoever may read this, feel free to check in with me, keep me accountable, or even perhaps join me in something similar. In the words of Peter Pan, "Here we go!"

Grave clothes

Satan.
There is no victory for him in the death of a lover of Jesus. No, that individual's eternity has been sealed by the blood of Christ, sealed for eternity in Heaven with the God of this universe. So where can he find victory? In our every day living, the here and now. If he can keep us living like we are still in the grave, then he will take that victory. I have been crucified with Christ and raised with Him. But sadly, I, and don't many of us, still function as if we are still in the grave, still in the tomb? The abundant life is waiting on the other side of that rock and yet we are satisfied with grave clothes and crumbs, the meager life. It doesn't usually seem meager though, does it? The world paints the meager life as the abundant life, masking it in smiles, happiness, love and the notion that if you want it, then you must need it, and would be happier if you had "it".
Christ offers us abundant life, peace, joy, contentment. At what price? Nothing on our part. No, he paid it ALL. The price was his blood. The sale complete with our surrender, our total surrender, devotion, trust.

So why, if we know what awaits us each new morning on the other side of that rock, do we choose to live the day in grave clothes? All we have to do is let go, make a choice moment by moment, choose to trust that I am a new creation - the old has gone, the new has come!

Help me Jesus, today, to throw off the grave clothes and live as what you have already declared me to be....a new creation!

sick of the sick!

15 days and counting. 15 days of one medical thing after the other, sparing no one in our family. Death toll? Zero. Mentally exhausted toll? All 5..well at least husband and myself. Starting with a cut finger, a trip to the ER, the stomach flu for 3 out of 5 of us, 8 days of diarrhea for Taz, 5 days of on and off vomiting for Taz, colds for all 5 of us, Strep throat for myself and a whole lot of crying, sleepless nights, bottles of cleaner, and laundry. Phew! I'm just tired typing it all out again. Every time I thought we were done with one thing, something else would spring up. Something else like an infected finger for Pumpkin. Add one to the list.

How have I done being thankful? Can I rewrite the above with a attitude of grace and gratefulness? Let me try...
15 days and counting. 15 days of lots of medical issues that have been very minor. Death toll? None, thank you God! We weren't even close to that! Mentally exhausted toll? All 5...well at least husband and myself. But, at least I have a working mind that can get exhausted. It certainly wasn't a boring 15 days! Starting with a cut finger and a trip to the ER -thank you Lord that my finger is totally healed, fine, and no infection occurred; stomach flu for 3 out of 5 of us - thank you God that we didn't have to go to the hospital, husband so selflessly took care of us; 8 days of diarrhea and 5 days of vomiting for Taz - thank you Lord that I have a little boy who we can take care of when sick and thank you that it was only a virus; colds for all 5 of us - thank you Lord that we have working respiratory systems that can get colds; Strep for myself - thank you Jesus for medicine, an opening at the Dr. to see me, help from parents; Lots of crying - thank you that we don't have a silent house because there are no children to fill the rooms; Lots of sleepless nights - thank you God that you sustain us, not sleep; Lots of cleaner - thank you God that we have money to buy cleaner; Laundry - thank you Lord for a washing machine so I don't have to wash things by hand; infected finger - thank you Lord that Pumpkin has working fingers to get infected.

Wow. That took a lot longer to write but left me a whole lot more encouraged and uplifted. But its easier to look back and type out a different perspective. Far more difficult to actually embrace that outlook in the moment, in those minutes following another blow-out, those dark hours in the middle of the night when you'd rather be in a warm bed rather than cleaning up vomit. Yes, its much easier to just run with how you feel in that moment.

Easier does NOT = best, good, encouraging, helpful. Easier can often = discouraging, fear-producing, bitterness, anger, etc.

Lord Jesus, help me choose that which is best, even if it takes longer to type (or to preach to myself).
Help me say thank you, not just with a keyboard, not just with my mouth but truly with my heart.

"Give thanks in all circumstances, for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus for you." 1 Thessalonians 5:18